always and forever

they've known each other since they were kids. they know they're going to spend their lives together forever.
he went abroad to study. she got into a car accident.
she suffered from amnesia and fell in love with someone else.
he came back. she can't remember him. but he still tried to win her back.
she suddenly remembered her past. she remembered him.
they got together again.
they were happy!
she was diagnosed with eye cancer. she needs an operation.
but the doctors can't assure she'll survive after the operation.
she needs an eye donor.
the guy she fell in love with while suffering from amnesia gave her his eyes.
she doesn't know about this.
she was able to see again--- temporarily.
her body isn't responding well. she lost her vision again.
she was breaking down. but he never left her.
he married her...

but moments after exchanging their 'i do's' ...


she died in his arms on the beach...




HIM: she may be gone. but her love for me is making me strong. i may be sad but thoughts of her makes me smile. im thankful i've met her. im thankful to be able to experience the love i had with her. not everyone has that privilege. besides, i know, that someday. i'll see her on the other side. i love her. always and forever....

God Jokes

walking down the street, i saw a rainbow
i stopped, stared at it and then someone blasted "right here waiting"
tears fell down my cheeks
it's been 2 months since i last saw you. plus 1 more month till you're here with me again
i can wait. i know i can.
but it's just hard not to miss you this much

i joined a quiz bee and encountered 2 questions that reminded me of you
1. who is the only king without a mustache in a deck of cards?
2. what is the only month dated that doesn't have a full moon being recorded?
i had a big smile on my face because i know the answer 100-freakin%!
how can i go wrong when i always see u playing with your cards?
how can i go wrong when you're that kid from the moon who made me fall in love like crazy?

looking for a good book to buy, i saw Brida
i picked it up, checked some more books
and then i saw this...

i LOL'd silently
went to the counter to pay for Brida, but just when it's my turn, i U-turned
i went back for Stargirl and went home with a dorky smile on my face

i woke up today and san I LOVE YOU of Faith Evans
i ate a slice of cheesecake for breakfast
went back to sleep and dreamed of you
i don't want to wake up
i just want to stay in D city with you
but you told me to open my eyes for soon you'll be by my side
giving me a hippohug

NERDing it up!

i remember the first time i experienced COEDSO days. twas last year and i hardly knew anyone. i was new in the college and find it difficult to engage in the activites because i was still having a hard time accepting the fact that i got kicked out of the psychology program.

but this year was totally different. i was our group's coordinator for the strategy booth we made for the hearing impaired and represented SPEDers for the annual quiz bee together with 2 other co-majors. the booth, eventhough we had a hard time agreeing on what to do, was still ok. we had fun brainstorming but i admit that was the hardest part coz everyone has their own ideas and we can't seem to find a common ground. we had fun teaching the elementary kids the alphabet sign and some phrases they could use everyday. twas really tiring but seeing the kids have fun with what you made makes it all ok. the quiz bee which happened just this afternoon was about general information so i was kinda ok with it. and knowing that one of my team mates is a friend of mine made it even better. the whole time we were on stage, answering the easy, average and difficult questions, we were laughing! yea, we look really stupid but we can't help but laugh at our answers. 95% of the time, we were guessing. and around 98% of those are correct! we're only 4th placer though. well, at least we're not the lowest. :)

from my previous post, November 13, 2009/Friday d 13th, i've mentioned about trusting my instincts more. i still haven't learned. there were at least 6 or more questions i answered correctly but went for my team mate's answer just because i was not sure of my answer. wrong move! there were 2 questions in the difficult category that i correctly answered and would've earned us at least 10 points. just those 10 points and we could've won! -sigh-

anyway, i think what's important is that we had fun! my group (Joy, Hanoi, Ana, Nestor, Chaz, Diane, Charity, Trish and Anceline) in the strategy booth and my team in quiz bee (Joy and Jephuneh) are the best! we had some really SPECIAL fun! :)

omg! i actually had fun! i really sound like a nerd now. i used to hate academic school activities. i would just participate in school but mostly in sports and dancing. and now? ack! im seriously liking it! twas funny seeing the faces of some of my schoolmates when they heard i was part of the SPED quiz bee team. i was just fighting the urge to tell them that im not what they think i am. i may not look like your typical nerd girl, carrying a bunch of books, with glasses, always participates in class discussions actively and finishes every requirement on time but ....surprise! surprise! :)

but... HE is ARTHUR --> and that's enough

my previous posts i didn't talk about him even if there's a bunch of things i want to share. im overwhelmed right now. so overwhelmed that i don't even know how to start or how to even say what i want to say. not even to him. when i hear him talk, everything just stops. im tongue-tied. i have a hard time thinking what to say next. the only thing that runs in my head is i love him and that i don't want to lose him. that's it. over and over again.

i love it when he wakes me up with a phone call or just before i go to sleep. funny how i would always look forward to talk to him on the phone but would just end up listening to him speak or breathe. im crazy for him like that. and it scares me. it scares me because to be able to love like this and just be in this amazing state, would mean someday if this'll all be gone, i would end up really hurt and lost.

i've always thought, that to feel this, i need to be near that person and see him everyday. i admit that im kinda hesitant about it at first to enter in this kind of relationship. but why stop myself from something i know i'll never have again? why stop myself when i already know that he is the ONE i've been looking for? why stop myself when FINALLY after 2 freakin years, he's standing infront of me now? im stupid. but im not that stupid to let this one slip from my grip.

reading his blog, posts and comments on facebook, tweets and text messages... seeing the photos he tagged me on and his videos on youtube... hearing the songs he would send to me, his voice whenever he calls..... makes me forget about how far we are from each other. it may be hard not being able to hold him or hug him anytime i want, but i know that when the time comes that we're together, it'll be much sweeter. the moment much treasured and appreciated.

I LOVE HIM.

he may not be good in guitars like John West, play a mean game in basketball like Kobe Bryant, has a rockstar hotness like Brandon Boyd, is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, tanned surfer dude or has this coolness factor that would attract every girl in the block BUT he is ARTHUR ANTONIO. he is amazingly sweet and caring, he doesn't care if he's cheesy, he's the fastest slowpoke, he writes poems and blogs that blows me away, he looks at me like im the only girl in the universe, he listens to my baby talk, he's game in playing all our stupid games, he's sooo patient, he accepts me for me, he holds my hand and makes me feel that he won't let me go, he kisses me like hmmmmm.... (LOL) he hugs me like there's no tomorrow, he knows what to say, when to say and how to say it, he misses my mom for me, he respects the people i love (family and friends). he brought me closer to God, he treasures his family and the ultimate, he loves me. HE LOVES ME!




and right now, that's all that matters.

9 years...

last night, December 1, almost midnight ----i was so tired and sleepy so i decided to hit the sack. but the moment i turned off the lights, my sleepiness escaped me. i kept on moving in my bed and no matter how tired i was, i can't sleep.

9 years ago, while i was waiting for a replay of the Lakers game, i received a phone call. (mama was in a teacher's outing in Davao for a week that time) 'twas from my Mom's co-teacher. i already had a feeling that something's wrong because, why would she use my Mom's phone and talk to me? i'm not even close to her. and where was my Mom? ..she asked me who i was with and that i should sit down coz she has something important to tell me. i went outside of the house instead and waited for her to talk. "we're here at the hospital. your Mom had a heart attack?" took her only seconds to say that but hearing it felt like a thousand years! my mom. my mom had an heart attack and was in coma. all i can remember saying back to her was, "ok. i'll inform papa." ...but the first person i tried calling was my mom's bestfriends. i couldn't reach them so i called my brother who was in Bohol studying at that time. the last person i called was my Dad.

first thing the next morning, he picked me up and my mom's sister and brother. we dropped by in Kabacan to pick my sister who was studying there and went directly to Davao Doctor's Hospital. Mama was lying in a hospital bed in the ICU. tubes where attached to her, breathing apparatus beside her bed. i never went near her. im scared and was in denial. she's strong. she's healthy and bubbly and seeing her like that is so hard for me. i grew up with her and we were always together everyday and suddenly, she's lying helpless in a hospital bed.

December 3, kuya arrived from Bohol. we were never close. we always clash but the moment we saw each other, we just hugged like there's no tomorrow. i clung onto him like a baby telling him "kuya, si mama... si mama..." while crying the whole time. later that day, we decided to trasfer mama in a private room for there were a lot of people visiting her. some of them even traveled just to see her. the time mama's doctor called us, i know there's really nothing we can do anymore. if the doctors would revive her, she'll be a vegetable and we don't want that. mama doesn't want that. we know because she told us that before. around 6pm that day, she was slowly giving up. we all gathered around her bed. well, except for me. i never talked to her (people in coma can still hear and feel) or hugged her or kissed her like the rest of my family did. i just stood at the end of the bed, watching everyone, trying to keep myself from crying, asking God "why my Mom?" .... we all agreed to just pull the plug. they said their goodbyes. i didn't.

i never really cried. i don't want to cry. i kept on telling myself that she's just in a vacation. that she'll come home soon. i graduated in high school, went to college but i only see her in my dreams. one thing why i love to sleep is because i can see her there. i can talk to her and touch her. she's real and alive in my dreams. its sounds crazy but i'd rather leave it like that.

9 years. but as much as i want to say that im ok. im not. and i don't think i'll ever be ok. i cry everytime i think about her. im crying now. i need her. i need my mom. i don't think i'll ever be complete. papa said im growing up looking more like mama. he's seeing much of mama in my personality and how i look at life. she's with me. she's in me.

but if given a chance to spend even just an hour with her, i'll grab that. i'll grab every opportunity i could just to spend some time with her. i miss her so much! i miss our moments. i miss MAMA! i miss her...

paano nga bang maging isang bayani?

ito yung tanong na umiikot sa isip ko buong araw dahil sa ito ang huling tanong na ibinato ni Efren Penaflorida sa mga tatakbong presidente kagabi (Isang Tanong ng GMA 7). ang dami kong nabasang komento tungkol sa mga sagot at kung paano sinagot ng mga tatakbo ang tanong. hindo ko napanuod ang talakayang iyon pero sa kung babase ako sa komento ng mga tao, mukhang angat si Gilbert "Gibo" Teodoro.

pero itong entry na ito, hindi tungkol sa palabas kagabi. napansin ko lang kasi na karamihan sa mga tao e, komento lang ng komento. e, kung kayo kaya ang tatanungin? PAANO MAGING ISANG BAYANI? anong isasagot nyo?

parang madali di ba? pero hindi. madaling magsalita, mahirap gawin. tanggalin natin yung mahirap, at subukan nating sagutin.

bilang isang kolehiyalang tubong mindanao, mahirap maging bayani. gagawa ka ng maganda, may makakabunggo ka, may maiinggit, delikado buhay mo. nakatatak iyon sa isip ko. pero hindi iyon naging balakid sa kagustuhan kong makatulong. musmos pa lamang ako, malaki na ang pangarap kong makatulong at matawag na isang inspirasyon. nakakatawa mang isipin pero, ganun ako. malaki kung mangarap.

para sa akin, para maging bayani, magsisimula ako sa maliit na bagay. dun naman lahat nagsisimula, di ba? sa taos pusong pagtulong sa kapwa, sa paggamit ng ating talento para maibsan ang kahirapan ng iba; kung anong meron tayo, ibahagi natin. hindi lang sa pagakain, sa gamit kundi pati na rin sa kung anong nalalaman natin. HINDI tsismis! kundi mga inpormasyong makatutulong sa pag usbong ng bansa natin, impormasyong alam nating kakailanganin ng mga tao para mabuhay ng tama. para sa akin, para maging isang bayani, bubutihan ko ang aking pag-aaral at ng maibahagi ko ang aking natutunan sa mga kapus-palad kong mamamayan; at nang magsilbing inspirasyon ako di lang sa mga kapwa kong Mindanawon, kundi sa lahat. upang makita rin nila na hindi kailangang nasa posisyon ka para matawag na isang bayani. hindi kailangan na may pera ka para maging isang bayani. kailangan, dedikasyon, puso at takot sa Diyos.

may sagot nga ako pero hindi pa ako kuntento. mahirap pala talaga. basta ang alam ko, gagawin ko na lang lahat ng makakaya ko para makatulong sa lahat. kahit na sa maliit na bagay lang. kahit na yung tipong mapapangiti ko lang kapwa ko, ok na ako.

kayo, pano nyo sasagutin ang tanong na ito?

PAANO NGA BANG MAGING ISANG BAYANI?

November 13, 2009/Friday d 13th

i don't really believe in the friday the 13th curse. i even thought that i'll be lucky coz 13 is one of my fave number and im the 13th grandchild. was even extra perky the moment i wake up that day eventhough i know there'll be a couple of whoopsie moments waiting for me. GOD-jokes, i call it. yea, weird, i know. i kinda look forward to it everyday coz its shows God's humor in a different way. and it's my way of making fun of situations gone bad and moments where the same things seem to happen to me and to Squeep (u might call it coincidence). these GOD-jokes helps me stay positive and thankful.

here are some of the whoopsie moments that happened to me last Friday:
- i got locked inside pur school's bathroom cubicle --can't seem to unlock the freakin door. i was stuck inside for just a couple of minutes (THANK GOD!) ..tried my best to pull the lock even if my fingers were hurting already. laughed at it with my friends after
- entered a wrong classroom
- almost got late in one of my subjects because i waited outside the wrong classroom
- slipped on the ramp
- tripped on the sidewalk and almost fell down by the roadside

and the ulitmate of all................

- my 2 cell phones were snatched ----from inside of my freakin bag!

yep! i was on my way home when it happened. im aware of snatchers in the jeepney coz the past weeks i witnessed how these guys (take note: BIG construction worker lookin guys) do their trick. but still, i take the jeepney most of the time thinking im safe because i know how they work and i can easily spot them. i was right! just a couple of minutes after i sat in the jeepney, i sensed that the 2 guys infront of me were snatchers. they confirmed it when (1) one of the guys transfered beside me ---why would he if there's more space on his side and he has the perfect seat since it wasn't hot on where he was seated? (2) when guy A pointed to the new pasahero to sit next to his partner who was already seated beside me ---the pasahero ignored it and (3) when guy A gave up his seat to a lady and sat beside his partner. it would've sound nice but its just one of the moments where i felt something's on and and was uneasy with their actions.

the whole time this was happening, the guy beside me, kept on moving and can't seem to sit still. by the way, i already hugged my bag the moment he sat beside me. so i was really kampante that nothing will be taken away from me. i studied his face, looked for marks that would identify him and practically didn't take my eyes off of him. but i got nervous, too, when i realized he could have a weapon he could use, especially when i think he noticed i was already studying him. i was thinking of getting out of the jeep but quickly brushed it off since im already near my apartment. seconds before i got out of the jeepney, i checked my bag and still saw my wallet and the lil red pouch where i keep my cell phones. IT WAS THERE! so imagine my surprise when i checked again just seconds after i was out of the jeepney and the red pouch was GONE! FUCK! i can feel my blood rushing, my heart pounding, i just freakin want to scream! dammit! i can't even remember how i was able to cross the street without getting hit. the whole time i was walking to my apartment, i can't think straight. i kept on thinking how did he do that? how was he able to get it without me noticing it? i got my answer the moment i reached for my door keys. the fuckin asshole tore the side of my bag! i believe he used a blade to do it. damn, he's fast!

i cried for hours. i cried because, ok, im not materialistic so if i have something, i really treasure it because i know money is hard and i can't just buy another cell phone anytime i want. and those 2 cell phones were given to me by my sister. my Smart sim i had it for years! most of my contacts there are really important and right now, i have no other way of reaching them. i cried, because i realized that the guy could've easily hurt me instead of just tearing my bag (i was still lucky!). but what made me cry the most was the fact that i was so stupid! REALLY STUPID! i should've trusted my instincts. i knew, I KNEW something bad was about to happen and i fuckin ignored it! i felt soooo low..

BUT!

im going to say this again, IM STILL LUCKY AND BLESSED! lucky that i wasn't hurt. and blessed because i have a great family, friends and Arthur to remind me of what's important. that experience opened my eyes even more to the cruelty of life. but it taught me to LOVE life even more. because it gave me a chance to see the world and understand the evil doers. it also gave me a chance to learn how to forgive. it also reminded me of how some people are so unfortunate that they don't have a conscience and can't use their brains right. haha! im glad i can laugh at this situation now..

worry wart strikes!

its been over a month now and im still having a hard time talking about something else aside from him. i everywhere, it's him.. here, on my twitter and facebook, it's still him. i listen to music, there's always a line or something to remind me of him. when i watch the news or read a book, it's still the same. the times when i thought i've done it, he slowly creeps back in my mind! i sound like i hate it, don't i? don't get me wrong. i love thinking about him. i love how he occupies my mind 24/7. yep! even in my dreams, he's there. it just scares me, you know? i've fallen for a guy before but it's nowhere near this. what im feeling right now is so intense! crazy and amazingly intense!

he left during my finals week (1st week of October). i was taking my exams with him on my mind. not good, i know. i just tried answering my exams as fast as i could. tried to put him at the back of my mind for a couple of minutes just to save myself in school. was able to do that --thank God! im scared to see my final grades. just kept on praying and wishing that it's still all 1. and then lastweek, when it was released, i was so ecstatic to see that i was able to maintain all my grades and even got higher grades in 2 of my subjects! was sooo sooo thankful!

and now that 2nd semester is going to start nextweek, i know i need some help. im not gonna ask God to remove him from my mind and be ok with it. im not gonna ask God to stop his God-jokes. im not gonna ask the stars and moon to stop doing their magic. im not gonna ask the music to stop filling our ears. im not going to ask him to stop being out of control. that's so stupid!

so what do i want? i want to learn how to focus. i actually think im suffering from ADD but that's a differnt story. see, im trying to write something about how school's going to start and how i want to be able to focus but i ended up talking about him again! ack! anyway, i know i can do this. and this time, it'll be way better than before because i have him by my side. so why am i worried? lol!

full moon blues

i've always loved full moon even before i met him. my dad would always tell me how i act differently whenever it's that time of the month. he says im so hyper and happy. i don't know. some of my friends noticed it too. it's crazy, i know.

whenever it's full moon or new moon, i always see to it that i'll be able to spend some time looking at it, appreciate its beauty (was so mad when i found out NASA was bombing it. stupid!) and be thankful for everything. seeing it that way brings peace in me. i like it! it helps me think..

but last night was the first time i didn't glanced up to the sky. i'm ok. i know i was. but the moon reminds me of him. so, as i went to bed, i tried reading his book and his text messages and tweets and it DESTROYED me! i always say i miss him because i do. but last night was different. the feeling was so intense that i got confused already.

...i ended up crying myself to sleep...

Can Coffee be Religious?

----> this was written by my friend/schoolmate, Gino Paradela. i decided to post this here coz (1) I LOVE GOD (2) I LOVE COFFEE (3) combine the 2, magic! :)




Can coffee be religious? Hmm... Now there's a question that needs ponderin'

Well, there are many religions all around the world that discourages drinking coffee stating that coffee is immoral and impure. Well, I beg to reconsider! As I sat with a very special friend in a small coffee shop in SM sipping a cold espresso, I made a very good reflection.

Coffee is just like God! He not just created the coffee; He left His trademark on it too!
Why, do you ask? Well let's paint a picture in your mind with my words as the colors and your mind as the canvass. Here are the things I noticed.

1. Coffee's intoxicating Aroma – Coffee is indeed very intoxicating. And so is God! Smelling the aroma makes you an instant addict; smelling the sweet scent of God can blow you mind. You feel drawn to God. He just smells so darn good!

2. Coffee is bittersweet – Well, a perfect example of this is found in the Bible. If you try to reflect, God was somewhat bitter during the first few centuries of Jewish history. Punishing the people, letting plagues happen, slaughtering the enemies, and it was accounted that God left the Jews to be captured by the Roman Empire! It seems that God is actually a god of war! But in reality, he is really isn't! God had a plan for His people, and this plan was to show us the beauty of His coming son, the messiah, the Christ, JESUS CHRIST! And slowly, the bitter flavor transforms into the sweetest taste in the world – Redemption! And until now, the aftertaste still tastes very awesome!

3. Coffee can cause a certain rush (Somewhat like a nervous breakdown) – God is already a rush. Compare it to the feeling of spiritual fullness. You feel God's presence everywhere, rejoicing, praising, worshiping! Such is the rush of having God in you midst.

4. Coffee, after the rush is over, makes you depressed – There are moments in our lives when we feel the spiritual dryness. We just don’t feel God anymore. We don't know who we're praying to. We don't feel that He is there, "Maybe God is dead." God doesn’t abandon us during these times, in fact, this is the period He loves the most. God loves it when we put effort on giving Him the glory He deserves. We may not feel who we're talking to, but He listens to you more because He loves to see you grow in your own special way. God loves it when we take time to talk to Him even though we don't feel like it. Take for example, you're girlfriend/boyfriend wants to spend time with you but you're just too damn tired. But because you love her/him so much, even though you don't feel like talking, you give all the time in the world for that someone. God wants you to become His lover. Isn't that awesome? The omnipotent God of the universe wants you to be His lover forever and ever... wow…

5. Coffee is addicting – You keep coming back for coffee even though you know what's gonna happen if you consume it again. Amidst all temptation in the world, you keep coming back to God. God is addicting, He's the only lover who lives forever. And where is the best place to look for God? In the silence of your heart. God is a God of silence… He speaks to you in the most addicting way. God is addicting. And in God's eyes, you are addicting to Him. He loves you… why not love Him back?


So next time you take a sip on that cup 'o Joe, thank God for that singing choir of angels in your mouth! Because in the bitterness of life, the sadness and depression, the pain and the angst; He's the sugar and the coffee who makes life taste even better.


God Bless!

Gino Paradela

TWEET FAVES

this is just some of my favorite tweets from my tweeps..

Emmy Rossum (@emmyrossum) - One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time - Andre Gide

Paulo Coelho (@paulocoelho) - C.C.: There are no answers to the meaning of life. So enjoy living your questions!

Tony Hawk (@tonyhawk) - girl at restaurant: "Are you Tony Hawk?" me: "yes" her: "why?" I had no idea how to answer

(@RevRunWisdom) - never envy big shots.. Big shots are just small shots who kept on shooting.

Janice George (@janicegeorge)
- Another note to guys: Stop approaching women like you're God's gift to them. You'll never be cute enough to make up for your arrogance.
- It isn't a sign of maturity to see the flaws of others. Maturity is found in objectively looking at yourself to recognize your own flaws
- Your dreams may sound crazy to everyone else, but they are yours for a reason. Do what makes sense to you.

Jason Mraz (@jasonmraz) - Call someone tonight and thank them for loving you, for being in your life. Express your gratitude to them. Giving and receiving are one.

(@Chanaye) - "Behind my smile is everything you'll NEVER understand

Christopher Simmons (@Diverseman2020)
- #whattimeisitnow Time to stop dressing like your co-worker at work and get your own fashionfor a change! Dreass yourself for a change!
- #whattimeisitnow "Time to stop telling your girl that you give her the world and your bank account shows insufficient funds!"
- #whattimeisitnot "Time to stop going to after parties even though you going for some free drinks and fake conversations just to fit in!

Danny Gokey (@dannygokey) - Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter - Martin Luther King (My hero)

Owl City (@owlcity) - A zoo is a place where animals look at silly people

kiss-per ...

i was getting good at not crying when i miss u. but last night, i cried again!

"stay here, just for a while"
you know i'll stay as long as i could.
"10 mins, 1 min, doesn't matter. i'll make it last a lifetime"
i want you to be my lifetime!
"don't go"
im not going anywhere. im staying with you.
"i wanna walk around the city with you and just be with you, like next to you"
i don't care what we do. i just want to be next to you
"everytime i touch a key on the keyboard is one kiss"
keep on typing... i LOVE YOU!

... i still have a hard time talking about anything else except him. when im not online, there's just a lot of ideas in my mind but the moment im infront of the laptop, everything just disappears. he's taking over my mind again. it's so hard but i love it at the same time. the crazy feeling! missing him so much! wanting to be with him! i can just sit for hours, think about him and not get bored. omg! this is just sooo amazing! that just the thought of losing him scares me so much and i just end up crying. i know, stupid for even thinking about it. and yes, im a crybaby.. but i'd rather cry for him than on some cheesy koreanovela that's taking over every channel on tv.

amazed

with all the bright lights and loud music, it's still you that im thinking of
with all the new faces and strangers around me, it's still you that im looking for
with the hundred conversations i had that night, it's still your words that i want to hear
i miss you so much babe, that i wish you're here.

the night i was out with Ali and his friends/officemates was really fun! too bad the cam ran out of battery and the only picture that survived is blurred! but anyway, twas great hanging out with them. such a crazy bunch! i never felt out of place or anything. i haven't had much conversation with them but they're so cool about everything that i feel so welcome and it's weird. they look like they're snobs but they're the complete opposite! they're funny and i love it! i want to be surrounded by those kind of people. they seem sooo happy and positive.



anyway, the whole night we were having fun, i realized one thing. im really a different person now. last year, i used to hang out at bars a lot. i meet a bunch of new people and hang-out with them the next couple of nights. i strike up conversations with strangers just for a dare. i drink a lot to the point where i don't care anymore. i wake up feeling so fucked up because of the large amount of alcohol i consumed from the previous night. i wake up the following night just to go out again. i say i was pretty wild last year. i released it all. the anger, the pity, the shame, everything! i was mad at the world for no reason at all. i was craving for attention. i was disappointed. i was blamed for things i didn't do. i was looking for someone to talk to. but they're just there for a day. they never stayed. they all go. even if im trying to flash my red light so hard, they still go.

and i tripped. fell so hard face flat on the floor. i crashed head on to the wall. i almost got blind. and then i got saved.

sitting by the bar, looking at the people on the dance floor, talking to Ali, trying to finish that one bottle of Red Horse, making fun of other people (whoopsie!), memories of how i was last year keeps on flashing in my mind. who was that girl? it's hard to imagine that i was like that. that i was once a party animal. i sat there with a goofy smile on my face. secretly thanking God for saving me. secretly whispers thank you to that guy across the ocean for never leaving my mind. i drank but only 1 bottle of alcohol. i danced but immediately sat down the moment a guy started hitting on me. i never gave my number away. i didn't even join Ali's friends for breakfast anymore. i just want to go home and be with him even just in dream city.

im so amazed at how he can make me do things and not do things just by staying in my mind. im so amazed at how he can make me feel this way across the miles.

im so amazed!

PBB Double Up's Cathy R.

the only PBB season i watched, i think was the celebrity edition and the first batch of teen edition where Keana Reeves and Kim Chiu won respectively. after that, i lose interest.

but 2 weeks ago, i saw a comment on my friend's page. someone's asking her if she got in PBB. she didn't replied. and then a few days ago, i received a text message asking me if i already saw Cathy (Cathering Remperas) on PBB Double Up. i quickly turned on the tv and checked if PBB was on. but it wasn't. so i went back to bed, tried to surf the net and see if she really did got in. and yes, she was introduced in the house last Friday night.




im soooo sooo happy for her! i met Cathy when i was still studying in Bohol a couple years back. she was one of the talents my brother (who used to be an events organizer) discovered. she's this really small, stunning girl who's always mistaken for being a snob. i even thought she's older than me but turns out im a year older than her. she's really nice and friendly and sweet. we have a lot of common friends since well, Bohol is just a really small place and she's in the same group of talents with my ex-bf. but we never really hanged-out coz of some reason better left unsaid.

anyway, the last time we talked i believe was last month. and nothing has changed. Cathy is still Cathy. and now that she's on PBB Double Up, i hope she'll stay the same. i've seen a couple of episodes and im glad that she's still that person i got to know. She's one of the best models/host in Bohol and i know after PBB, a lot of doors will open for her and im excited to see her shine!

so, yep! support my friend, Catherine "cathy" Remperas!

he made me believe in a thing called LOVE.

it's been 5 days since he left. but it feels like 5 years. i so need to learn how to be patient. i suck!
i want to share everything but it's impossible because with just 2 weeks of hanging-out, a gazillion things happened.
if only someone captured it on video. but all we got are pictures and stories to share. and sometimes, it's better left unsaid. let our smiles and laughs do the talking.
i've waited for this to happen for a very long time. i've waited for him but i never really thought that he's the one who could give me that feeling of hapiness. hapiness that gives me butterflies in the stomach. hapiness that makes me feel like im in cloud 9. hapiness that i feel like im the luckiest girl in the world!
i've tried to write everything that has happened starting on the day that i saw him sitting in a corner at Ayala's foodcourt up to the last minute we were together. up to that last hug and kiss. but it's hard. i can't seem to finish every sentence. i always end up reminiscing those moments i was with him. those moments where it doesn't matter if we're both silent. when we let our eyes and smiles and laughs do the talking. moments where we held hands, where he would just look at me in the eyes and plant a kiss on my forehead, cheeks or my hand. moments where he would recite poems and do magic tricks to see me smile and be amazed. moments where we would feed each other, claps hands after and laugh at our own stupidity. times we get lost and the u-turns we make in the city. it doesn't matter where we go as long as we are together. moments when he would want me to sing. or the times when i do babytalk and he gets so happpy! moments when im wrapped in his arms and i just don't want it to end. moments where he does magic infront of my family, friends and other people. he makes me so proud i always give him a hug after and thanks God for giving me the opportunity to be with him.
the times i've spent with him may be short but is the greatest state i've ever been! i know there's still a lot to come. i know that this is just the beginning and im so excited to experience the rest of our story. you might think that this is just another boy drama-love issue blog entry but i won't blame you since i've been posting a lot of that even before he came. but im going to ask u to continue reading my blog so i can prove that he's NOT just another guy i met. he's definitely not like the other guys. i want to prove that LOVE really happens to those who wait ...that being away from each other isn't a reason to give up and that i am capable of loving a person this much!
i don't know how i got that lucky but im glad i did. im glad God granted my wish. im glad God trusted me with someone like him.
i was able to get through days without seeing him or hearing his voice (except on the vid he made for me which by the way destroyed me) and i know i can still do that. i promised him that i'll wait and i have no plans of breaking that. im blessed and who am i to waste it? who am i to take it for granted?
whoever you are reading this, im wishing you the same love im feeling right now. because it feels so good and right that i just want to share it to the whole world!
and to you, who makes me feel this way, thank you and i love u is an understatement. there are no words that can express how i really feel. no words can match the way you're loving me. no words. if i can just give you a hippo hug right now. if only i can trace your dimples. if only i can hold your hand. if only i can look at your brown eyes. if only i can trace i love you on your cheek with my nose, if only i can whisper sweet nothings to you, if only i can kiss you again... then maybe, just maybe you'd know how much I TRULY LOVE YOU.... I LOVE YOU!

God's Favorite

the other day, an old lady approached me while walking on my way home. she asked me if i want my palms to be read. im not fond of fortune tellers or palm readers coz they scare me how they can foresee the future and know what's on my mind. it's just soooo creepy! but i have to admit that at one point in my life, i wanted to know what's in store for me. God saved me though. i mean, i realized it's better to trust him and pray than do all the fortune teller stuff.

anyway, the old lady just kept on talking and i was running out of excuses. so i just gave her my right hand and the first thing she said was that my palm lines are a total mess! hmmm... thank you very much! that such a nice way to start your reading. but she also told me that even if my palm is like that, im lucky! i got so excited when i heard her say that. IM LUCKY! she said that i have big dreams (which is true) and i'll be able to get it but it'll take time. guess i need a lot of patience then. good thing i got Moonkid to teach me that. she took my left hand and said that i should be careful. i asked her to what. and she said about the guy i love because a lot of girls are after him and he might just leave me crying. i just smiled because i find it funny. i mean, i don't think he's that kind of guy. anyway, she also told me that im blessed because of the courage and determination i have. she also said that i don't have to worry much because im lucky.

'twas nice. but when i got home the thing she said about the guy i love bothered me. what if it's true? and no matter how hard i try to get it off my head, the thought keeps on coming back. i hated it! and then last night, he was telling Deisa how he thinks that majority of the guys are like that (being a player) .. i was just listening the whole time (i love listening to him) ..but when he said that, my heart started beating so fast i made a wish right away. i wished that he's not one of the majority. i told him that actually. and he reminded me that he can't be coz he's from the moon. lol! guess that's just what i need to hear coz after that, i felt ok..

im lucky. i know i am. even before he came into my life. there's just a lot of things i was able to go through because of luck. and im thankful coz not everyone is blessed with luck.

THANK U!

GOD --for the blessings... the courage and strength, for my family and friends, for the wisdom, for the LOVE and for Antino. :)

Kuys --for listening, for the patience, for the brotherly/fatherly LOVE and for the chance

SheeShee --for helping me with Kuys, for the advices and support

JinJin and Chiclois --for being soooooooo supportive!

Antino ------> UR THE BEST! can't find any words to say how thankful i am for having someone like u...

missing contest ---OVER!

he's real. he is REAL. i saw him. i was with him. i was able to touch him. hold his hand. hugged him. that was the best part! i could hug him forever. my teddy bear. the moment i saw him sitting across the food court my heart just stopped. i stopped. the world stopped. crazy! i just realized i was smiling from ear to ear. walked slowly towards him. i wasn't thinking anymore. all i know is that, i want to be next to him as soon as possible coz he might disappear. i just want to hear his voice, see his smile and make him laugh.

and then our eyes met. i swear, he took my energy away. he stood up, smiled and gave me a hug. i could melt right then and there. i was speechless. i just kept on smiling. i know i looked so stupid but i don't really care. i was just so happy, i can't stop myself.

there were a lot of silent moments but i actually enjoyed it. everything about him is just... (i need a word here. but i can't think of any appropriate word to describe it) ... PERFECT? u might think it's far off but he is for me.

how did i got so lucky?

being with him for just a couple of hours is so amazing that i want the time to just freeze. "can i just have this moment forever? i promise to be good. can i have him forever? i promise to take care of him and make him happy."

my heart is thumping really fast right now. feels like im only dreaming. he used to be hard to reach. he was just a fairy tale. a story. and poof! there he is. infront of me. making me smile and laugh. i've never thanked GOD so much in my life! im still thanking him right now actually. he texts --- "thank u God!" ...seeing his 3 books ---"thank u GOD!" ...seeing that yellow book (which made me want to just run to him and give him the tightest hug ----"thank u SO MUCH GOD!" ...hearing his name ---"thank u GOD!" ...hearing our songs ---"thank u GOD!" ....remembering the moment i first met him 2 years ago ----"THANK U SO MUCH I-COULD-DIE-NOW GOD!" (uhhh... scratch the die now. i still want to spend more time with him. LOL)

anyway, you prolly think that the next entries would be about him. i think so too. it's hard to write about anything else if he occupies my mind 24/7! ...but i love how he does that. i love how he stays in my mind. i wouldn't have it any other way.

guess it's obvious. im head over heels on this one. make that head over feet. (since i love walkin barefoot) that was random. i know. haha! whatever!

PS: another God joke. the top trending topic on twitter is #thankugod ...hahaha! well, #thankugod for bringing me to him. or bringing him to me.whichever way. #thankugod for making our paths cross. U DA BEST!!!

You are Everywhere, But here with Me

a guy friend of mine made this and shared it to me. im gald he did.


You are Everywhere, But here with Me
by: Vergie Vergara

You are the sunlight
peeping through my window
The clanging of chimes
by the wind
You are the children's laughter
their frolic giggles
routinely at half past six
after the serenity
of dusk.
You are the muffled sound
of cars outside my home
fading as it goes along.
The chirps of free birds
as they rest upon forgotten
and dead wires.
You are everywhere,
but here with me
and i long for you.


You are the frigid water
deep from the ground
that touch my
rested skin.
The random patterns of light
as it strikes the curtain.
You are the asphalt road,
always strong
and always comforting.
The aroma of the dust-filled road
when it drizzles.
You are the sole cloud in the sky
during the middle of the day.
And the encompassing rain clouds
as forecast
for the upcoming rain.
You are everywhere,
but here with me
and i crave for you.

You are the glowing moon,
the twinkling star,
the smoky sky
during the hypnotizing night.
You are my blank stare,
my deep sigh,
my grief-stricken frown.
You are my one to keep,
my one to have.
You are everywhere,
but here with me
and i miss you.
I miss you.

-moonsquid-

i just KNOW

11:20pm. im writing this while he's about to land (i guess). im writing this because im missing him a lot! i miss his text msgs and tweets. our facebook picture comment boxing sessions, video exchange, status blows and especially our chapters every night. everything happened so fast that i can't really remember how it was before. just a couple of minutes and we'll be in the same island already. im excited! i don't know when exactly im really gonna see him but just the thought that we're both in Cebu now, just makes me soooo happy! ...and scared. it's been 2 years since i last saw him and i admit that i don't know how im gonna react if he's already standing in front of me. im stupid and will be more stupid for sure! but i don't care. i've never been this real to someone i like. and it feels so good!

he said that excitement is a good kind of being scared. well, i am scared. because i know i won't be this lucky forever. i know that things will not be as smooth and as carefree. i know that nothing is permanent. i know that anything can happen. but i also know that im happy and that im not gonna waste what i have right now. i also know that whatever is given to me, i should appreciate and treasure while it lasts. I KNOW for sure that he's worth the wait. I also know that im digging my own grave for exposing myself into something like this. but im willing to play my cards because he's been that one person i've been waiting for. (bet u didn't know that! =P)

POETRY JAM

You don't want to miss this event! if only im in Tagbilran City, i'd definitely be there to witness this and of course, support my friends. tickets are for only 80Php. really cheap! so watchu waiting for? don't miss the fun! ;)

soon!

let the pictures do the talking

crazy september

i love september! i've always loved this month. fun and crazy moments. lots of them! but this september is more crazy than ever. a lot has happened. i really never saw this one coming. though i hoped for it. i just didn't think that it'll be him. i've know him for like 2 years already. been exchanging msgs and comments but not like this. totally not like this!

he truly is like lightning. he struck me without warning.
im glad i crashed into his territory. it's different. kinda scary but he gives me courage. i've never been this nervous and excited my whole life! funny how he thinks of me as hard to reach. coz that's exactly what i thought about him before. that he's unreachable.

im not good in waiting. im still learning that art. but i've been patient enough to wait and look around. there he is. how did it happen? im not sure. it just happened.

my mind's been wandering a lot. i've been stupid as ever. been smiling a lot lately. feeling like im in cloud 9.... im happy! REALLY HAPPY! nothing's permanent, i know. but as long as it's here, i'll take care of it. it's not everyday that someone like him passes my way.

Our Time Now

how do u say something u don't really want to say but actually wants that person to know what you're trying to say? confusing? well, im confused, too.. well, not really. i know what i want i just don't know how to deliver the message.

there's a lot of things i want to share right now. but im afraid that if i do share it, it'll get jinxed. things i've wanted before are actually happening now. working hard, being patient and faith is what got me through it all. glad i didn't gave up. glad they've trusted me. it's gonna take time till i'll be able to share it but im working really hard to make it sooner.

the past week is crazy! crazy in a really good kinda way. i've never really looked forward to waking up in the morning and wanting for the moon to take over as much as now. haha!

im so busy in school but it's like it doesn't really matter. im on cloud 9! feeling no pain. im all smiles. being positive with about almost everything.

listening to a bunch of Plain White T's songs ...that explains my title. can't think of anything. check that song out. :)

some things are better left unsaid. some things are better kept and not shared publicly. some things are just meant to be. some things... some thins like THIS.. is worth keeping. worth holding onto. gotta love it while it lasts. nothing is forever. there's no happily ever after. but im writing my own story. and there's always a first time.. maybe mine is the first time.

goodnight!

lollipop

i don't know what's up with me yesterday. a simple message got me all crazy! i was high than ever. i like a lot of guys. i have to admit that. but this one, this very particular one is totally different from everyone. *sigh* just thinking about him makes my mind go ballistic! argh! i've always liked this guy but i didn't dare dream to be his girl. it's just too impossible. but things have changed. suddenly, it's all within reach. he's paying more attention to me.

im a fool. i know that, too.. but this feeling i can't deny. this feeling i can't just ignore. this is way too strong. i have better things to attend to but his face, his words, his smile, everything just keeps clouding my mind.. my heart beats everytime i read his messages. my world spins 2x faster whenever i see his name.
as much as he makes my world go upside down, he also keeps it still.

i've posted a lot of love stuff before. a lot of boy crazy issues which i'd rather put into trash. but i need those to remind me that i can't be that person again, that i can't be with those kind of guys again. im too young to waste my life on this. but no one is too young to feel something like this.

he keeps me sanely insane. he makes me float with his words. he makes me smile 24/7 because he believes in me. he makes me want to be really nice to everyone. he's bringing out the girl in me i didn't know exist..

is this gonna last? things weren't rushed. i want to believe that it will. it cannot go into waste. i won't allow it.

Butterflies - John West

u might be wondering why... idk. it's just that LOVE's IN THE AIR!!! :) *oh God, please don't take this away*


You give me butterfly
You make it feel so nice
Give me natural highs
That’s what you’ve done

Little butterflies
Sometimes I realize
You got my children’s eyes
That’s what you’ve done

And I want to be with you now
And I will tell you why
When I look at you boy(girl), you know you give me butterflies
Boy (Girl) that’s what you’ve done...

ready to fall..

..and it's because you've noticed. and its because i waited. giving up is far from my vocabulary. u taught me. no expectations, i say. but the hints are just so clear that i wish it's already December. or am i just assuming? tell me im right. say that u waited too. that u waited for this. that u were just scared. it's ok. what matters is now. the present.

you're hard to reach, too far, too high. but it was because im blinded by your actions and words. coz later on u proved to me that you're just right here. waiting for me to turn to u. waiting for me to stop reaching in front coz you're just by my side. why do u have to play with words? why do u have to sing me a song? why do u have to draw and take pictures? why can't u just tell it to me straight? it's not that hard, right?

if this is all a dream, don't wake me up. but, if it's the same in reality, then wake me up. for i'd rather open my eyes and see u smile at me, while holding my hand than dream that you're hugging me while whispering to my ear that u don't want to let me go and continue living in a fake world.

High School friends are love! :)

we're not close when we were in high school. Ali and I know each other since elementary but we hardly talk.
Cebu brought us together! Glady was the first one here since after HS she transferred right away. i followed 3 years ago to continue my studies at the same university Glady went to. then came Ali and Abdul. they're both working in a call center..

first time the 4 of us were together..


had a late lunch at Sunburst then we watched a fashion show where Glady's bf, Alfonse was one of the models...

2nd time was just a couple of weeks ago...


we don't have plans but next thing i know they're all in my apartment. so 11pm we decided to just hit Kukuk's Nest to chill.. small but a really nice place to catch up with friends... even had a conversation and funny moments with Budoy (PBB Celebrity Edition & vox of Cebu-based Reggae band, Junior Kilat)...went to grab a super early breakfast at McDonalds after..

we can't wait for S3! she's to have a mini vacay next month...

remembering NINOY...

don't let his fight for our country put into waste...

register & be heard!

i have no plans of voting for next year's election. it's not that i don't give a damn about my country. i actually do. it's just that, i can't see any reason for me to register if the person i want isn't even running.

next month is the last month of registration. and just last night, i decided that on wednesday, with 2 of my friends, we'll go to COMELEC & have ourselves registered.

why the sudden change of plans? a couple of nights ago, there was a news that Chiz Escudero has a big chance of winning the presidential election. and even before the news, i've always wanted him to be our next president.so, that's one. second, Noynoy Aquino. it's still not confirmed if it's he or Sen. Mar Roxas would be the candidate for the Liberal Party. but if not, still he has my vote for the senatorial spot. third, Liza Maza is running for senator.

i don't like politics. but i realized that my vote matters. i am a supporter. and its time for me to make another step. all talk and no work means nothing.

so, if you still haven't registered, what are u waiting for? another downfall for our country? another revolution? act now! :)

DEAR PAPA

dear papa,

these past weeks, i've been thinking of u constantly than ever. i miss u.
in everything i do, it seems like you're all that i remember.
i miss you, pa!

the passing of former president cory aquino and watching kris, give her blow by blow on the last days of her mom made me think about our relationship. made me remember my last days with mama.

pa, i know i've done a lot of things that made you sad and mad. things i'm not proud of. words that i wish i could take back. but, i think those things and those words made us wiser and stronger. and i must say, even tigher.

the last weeks im there in cotabato was not easy but i treasure it the most. we don't have the best relationship back then because i know you're disappointed but those are the times i realized that you are the most important person in my life. as much as i don't want to leave, i have to because i need to find myself.

i won't say that i found myself but im getting there. on the way, i almost gave up. because on the process of looking for myself, i almost lost everything. the biggest mistake i unconsciously made. i thought, i always thought that everything's gonna be ok but for the nth time, i was wrong. last year was a crazy year for me. 'twas the first time i thought about running away and ending my life because i was so ashamed of what happened. and im still dealing with right now. im disappointed with myself, too. i don't trust myself anymore. and that's the lowest of all.

i kept on talking about this because it's the only way i could let go of everything.

i miss talking to you about everything. i miss oour movie marathons. i miss our foodtrips. i miss us playing uno stacko's, domino, scrabble, word games. i miss our conversations about latest issues and about people. i miss our saturdays where we would do the laundry. i miss our sundays together where we attend the mass at Cathedral and eat after. i miss visiting you at your office and having merienda at the canteen. i miss how you would tutor me on my lessons about income tax return and photography, how you would review me on my lessons. i miss how you would cook pancit canton early in the morning to keep me up while studying. the way you repair things and ask me to get the hammer or look for the screwdriver. i miss the way you teach me how to cook. i miss our music sessions. my noisy music and your slow jam songs. i still remember your appreciation on jeniffer lopez and spongecola.

i can go on for hours on the things i missed. but doing that will only make me cry and miss you even more.

pa, take care of yourself. we still have a lot of things to do. you need to be on my graduation day. have our vacation. do a lot of foodtrips.. and you're job to walk me on the aisle on my wedding day. you have to meet your apo and play with them just like you're doing now with ate's 3 muskeeters.

i may not communicate much but i hope you know and feel how much i love you. and how much i appreciate having you as my father.

i can't wait to see you again.

agnes

food trippin'

some pics are taken last April. was plannin to share it but laziness got the best of me... the rest was just last Monday night when a cousin of mine had a vacation here at Cebu with her friends.

anyway, pics all about food trippin with my family (my brother, SheeShee and her friend, Jenny at Bigby's, Ayala and with Ate Bj at Ila Puti, IT Park..

keep on keepin' on ...

from my previous entry last July 15, i wrote a letter to myself..

just today, i received an e-mail from a friend. Kuya Bob (he was on my People of my Year 2008 post. and well, i just want to share it to the rest of the people who are going to some bad times in their lives.

it's a Bob Dylan song, Tangled up in Blue.

I lived with them on Montague Street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air.
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside.
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.
So now I'm goin' back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They're an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter's wives.
Don't know how it all got started,
I don't know what they're doin' with their lives.
But me, I'm still on the road
Headin' for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

.. really great song! :)

..and this 1968 image made by cartoonist Robert Crumb



..i think im gonna print this and post it on my wall to remind myself to KEEP ON! ;)

... THANKS KUYA BOB!!!

haters ---come on in!

why is it that whenever i talk, whenever i voice out my opinions, people will oppose it? why do people will always look for a hole where they can bring me down? what's worse is when they're so happy about it if im wrong or if i can't seem to support my ideas. i would rather hear them say "shut up" or "i don't want to hear your ideas" than shove it to my face that whatever im saying are nothing.

i love to share what i think. i love to share whatever it is that i've observed. but i just noticed these past days that everytime i do that, im being dragged down. why? am i saying the wrong things or they just don't want to hear it because its true and they can't handle it? i want to believe its the latter.

but thinking about it, why would i get affected? i'll say whatever i want and need to say. as long as i know im not stepping on anyone's shoe, i'll continue doing it. if people have a problem with that, so be it. i'm gonna welcome them with open arms. im gonna welcome their ideas and their high voices and raised eyebrows. because they're just showing that im powerful.powerful that it ticks them off. powerful that just by my words they get affected and it starts to irritate them. too powerful that they can't stop thinking about the things im saying.

so, if ever your one of these people, THANKS! ..thanks for giving me the power. thanks for giving me a reason to not breakdown and give up. you're my fuel. without you, i'd be nothing. so keep on, haters... you just don't know how important you are to me.

another artist worth listening to --->Stephen Vanderpool

if u've been following my blog, u know how much i love music and how big of a supporter i am on the artists i find on myspace. especially to those i really communicate with.

i've already talked about ATTACK TEAM ALPHA of Sherwin Maxino i think. twice? Seth Jones. JOHN PETER WEST (amazing guy!!! his music never fails to make me smile) and some others. i've helped spread the word of upcoming events and contests some artists are in, too.

but i believed i've never mentioned about Stephen Vanderpool. well, i did but not about his music. so, this blog is dedicated to him...



i can't really remember when i started talking to him on Myspace. all i can remember is that he's one of the nicest guys/artist i come across with. he's not like the others who just add u up to have gazillion friends on their list. he's not someone who would message u to just make u listen to their songs and not talk to u after that. he's more of a friend to me than an artist. but its undeniable that he got some mad skills.

his song Time I Go Away, i would say is my fave. the rhythm, the lyrics, the voice --- A+! we've been friends for 2 years now, i think. he got busy with school and other stuff and so i got really excited when he told me that he'll be putting up new tracks on myspace soon. and the other night, i got the chance to listen to his new tracks.. i admit, i got blown away! i know he's good and all but the new tracks are way more than A+! LOVED IT TO BITS!!! he wrote everything and i just can't help but smile. it wasn't what i expected. it was better than i expected!

stephen is one of the artists that people should really pay attention to. im not sure how his career is goin back in Oklahoma City. but i sure do know that i want to help spread the word about him and let u, my reader know that he is worth listening to.

so, here's a link of his myspace page-->STEPHEN VANDERPOOL where u can listen to his tracks. doesn't matter if u have a myspace acct or not. but it would be nice if u do so u can leave a comment or message him. he'll appreciate it!

and for his twitter account --> TheSVanderpool

hope you'll enjoy his music as much as i do!
happy listening!


PS: stephen, if ur reading this, THANK U! for being a friend, for making me smile, and for making great music! remember, its not how many fans u get, its about touching someone with ur music. xo

Ms. Twitter Philippines!

eversince i opened an account on twitter, i got hooked! it's like my mini blog.. i love reading updates from other people. and i love posting just about anything.
what i like most is how u gain friends because u get to know their daily experiences or what and who they like. u can reply anytime. plus the trending topics is crazy! sometimes twitter is faster than any news on tv.

a couple of days ago, i received a message from tweeterwall. its like hall of fame. u nominate someone from your country, get votes and when that person gets in top 20, then that person moves up on a wider competition. that means worldwide. im not really that familiar with the contest but i was just so happy that someone nominated me. i don't even have 300 followers and i tweet about trivial things. but whatever, im on the list now.

its fun watching my number go up. idk. i mean, someone out there is voting for me even if they don't really know me. sweet! so if ever, u voted for me and reading this now, THANK YOU SO MUCH! :) leave me a message on twitter or here on my blog anytime.. one thing i don't think people know about me is how much i LOVE receiving message/comments about random things from people. it perks my day up! :) so, yea... don't hesitate.

anyway, if u still haven't voted, here's the link --> twitterwall. my username is chinobrooke, just browse, i believe im somewhere in page 2 or 3? or u can just type @chinobrooke on the search box on top below the different flags. don't forget the "@" coz that's important. ;) and yes, wherever part of the world u are, u can vote for me. the country only applies when u nominate someone. and yes, u don't have to have twitter account to vote. and you can vote every 20 minutes.

again, THANKS SO MUCH! :)

oh, and here's my twitter page --> chinobrooke

letter to myself (part 1)

dear agnes,

there's nothing to be scared of. remember the times when you're so lost and everyone seemed like nowhere to be found? remember when u alone found ur way home? when most of them turned their back on you, you were able to find the solution. whenever you're down, you cheered yourself up and it works! when everyone seemed to not understand, when you're too tired to tell what happened, you just go to your zone and you're all ok after awhile. whenever you want to scream and cry your heart out, you just listen to music and you're healed. even in your sleep, you get healed. remember the times when mama visited you, the next morning, it seemed like you were reborn.

there's nothing to be scared of. you are strong! you can't give up. you can't! everything happens for a reason. one step at a time. and soon you'll see. smile at your problems. you're good at that. i know its tiring to wear a mask but sometimes it helps. just be happy! find happiness in simple things. don't dwell too much on negative stuff. let it all go!

you're not alone. you just think you are.

fight! life's tough but show life that your tougher. but when the time comes that your energy is low, remember the MAN ABOVE. get nourishment from HIM. remember how your Mom faced every stone thrown her way. remember how her faith saved her. remember her smiles and laughs and jokes and how she was able to brush the negativity off her shoulders. remember her weapon. you can use her weapon, too. she showed you how.

please, please, don't give up. when you do, what'll happen to your family. they'll be truly sad. you don't want that, do you? you're not the only person in the world who has problems. you're not the only person who feels the weight of the world on them. you just need time. and you have that!

listen to your heart. think. reflect. breathe.

you're gonna get through this.

love,
yourself

King of Pop-- Micahel Jackson.....

i wanna write something about Michael Jackson. but im still lost for words.
im not much of a fan of MJ. but, i do like some of his songs..

the past week was all about him all over. everywhere i go, it's his music i hear. (random: my playlist is on shuffle and while writing this, You Are Not Alone played) everytime i turn on the tv, news about his death is what's being talked about.

i just woke up and turned the tv on when i heard the news on Unang Hirit that he was rushed in the hospital. it was nothing for me. but minutes after that breaking news, it was confirmed that MJ, The King of Pop, died. i was dumbfounded. i just stared at the tv trying to absorb everything. THE MICHAEL JACKSON --dead. no, this can't be happening. he can't die. he still has a tour! plus he's still not done making music.

i didn't cry. but when Janet Jackson spoke to the public, that's when my tears started rolling. it's real. he is dead. gone. gone too soon.

im not much of a fan of him. i don't own any MJ record. but i know the lines to some of his songs. its hard not to coz i grew up to his music. there was even a time where i hated everything on MTV coz MJ is all i see. i even wondered why everyone's crazy over him.

it was just a couple of years back that i realized why he is HE. and it was just a couple of months ago that i really, i mean REALLY started to like his music. thanks to American Idol!

i watched the live coverage of his funeral on CNN.com last night. i slept around 3am with the tv on. watched the news when i woke up 3 hours after. watched replays over and over again. Usher and John Mayers performance blew me away. Paris, his daughter made me cry. really cry. she just said a couple of lines but that didn't stop me from crying. when brooke shields spoke, all i remember is that i felt like i was floating. i still can't believe his gone.






there's still a lot of things i want to share. i just don't know how. for sure i'll have more MJ posts coming. one post isn't enough. i may not be much of a fan of MJ but he has touched me with his songs, he molded not just my childhood but our childhood through his songs. he gave us hope. he gave us strength.






THANK YOU KING OF POP! your music will live on forever... RIP

blogger blackout

---not really! im just being a major procrastinator. i have a lot of things i wanna share but everytime i get on-line and start to type my thoughts, every word seems to run away. ok, you can call that a blackout. but what about the times where my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts already? those moments im talking about happens A LOT! but i choose to just update my status every 5 minutes on twitter coz i find it so easy and im having fun reading other peoples tweets.

another proof that im really a lazy a** is the look of my blog. i've been thinking of revamping it but im too tired to think of a concept or what pics to put on the template and what colors to use. i have lots of time especially before regualr class started but i didn't do anything.

but, procrastination has to stop NOW! not just with my blog but with everything! i used to finish every schoolwork a day before its deadline. these days? i finish it minutes before the deadline. really! like earlier this morning, i was 15 minutes late because i haven't finished my paper on my major. i was thinking that it's easy. well, it is. its just that i didn't realize that there would be a lot of students who would want their papers to be printed and there's only one printer. which reminds me to have the desktop here be fixed! which reminds me to look for a word document installer.

im also trying to save money so instead of buying a new pair of sandals, i'll have my 2 other sandals fixed. but again, too lazy to bring it to a repairman or too lazy to call the guy who passes here at the apartment every weekend.

my sister told me to check any airlines every now and then so i could avail their promos in time for christmas vacay but again, too lazy to type their websites and drop by at their offices.

i also have lotsa pics i wanna share and well, i don't need to tell why i still haven't posted any of it.

so, get ready coz there'll be a lot (i just hope i won't get lazy again) of new things to come in this blog.

oh, and before i forgot, im on one of ate lois' blog entry. check it out if u want. but that's not what i want to say. well, in her blog she said that i know who's who in hollywood. that gave me an idea. since im so crazy about entertainment in general, im going to create a new blog. an entertainment/gossip/review kinda blog. so from celebrities to movies and tv shows to artists and musicians, songs and books, models and even sports im gonna talk about and will share anything i know. plus, my opinions on it, of course!!! ooh! im excited! haha!

i hope you are, too! ;) if not, just be excited for me...

randomness alert!

ok... this sucks! i was bout to press publish post when the freakin site had a problem so i immediately copied it. and now that im bout to post it, it's gone! geez!!!

im tired to write it all, all over again so just go on my twitter page --> if u like.

*sigh*

some thoughts..

loving GoCheeksGo's hilarious vids and Kevjumba's all for the charity JumbaFund vids on youtube. check them out!

..and GoCheeksGo is way better than Perez Hilton!

i noticed that i have a schoolmate who kinda looks like ...KevJumba. SWEET!

enjoying twitter more than ever.. it's like a telegram-like blog. easy! :)
oh and Adam Lmabert's on twitter now, too! @therealGlambert

enjoying Wednesdays in school. got a new haircut --> learning to love it.

and mad props to my childhood buddy/former classmate, James Nartatez on his SKILZ! check his video GRACE
for you to find out.

its past midnight already and i should be hitting the sack but im still wide awake! this is what i get when i go to sleep around 5pm. why the hell was i tired earlier? i didn't even do much in school..

saw him at the library this morning. *sigh* this is really really crazy!!! what's with this guy? i think i need to have my eyes checked.

oh well,15 more minutes and ....oops! i still can't sleep. forgot i have to finish my journal paper entry no.1 for my major subject. arrgghhh! maybe that's why i can't sleep.. not coz i was able to get some rest earlier but bcoz i haven't done my homework... *sigh*

this isn't good. should be up by 6am and its 12:22 already. 4-5 hours of sleep. good thing it's Friday!

anybody knows what mobile network is 0938?

ok ok... gotta stop blabbin and do some real work. that's if my brain's gonna cooperate.

PINOY AKO!!!

june 12, 2009
111th Anniversary of Philippine Independence


ako'y tubong Cotabato City sa Mindanao. parteng timog ng bansa. dun na lumaki at nagkamalay.
laki sa tatay na tagalog at nanay na maguindanaon pero nasanay ako sa salitang tagalog at katoliko ang relihiyong sinusunod ko.

hindi ako magaling sa history. isa iyon sa pinaka niyayamutan kong leksyon. mahina ako sa pag memorya. at hindi ako interesado sa mga tao. pero tuwing idinaraos ang kalayaan ng pilipinas, masaya at buong puso kong iwiniwagayway ang sarili kong gawa na watawat ng pilipinas.

pangarap kong makarating sa ibang bansa. pangarap kong ipasyal ang aking pamilya at makaranas lang man ng "snow". pangarap kong matulungan sila at isa sa mga tumatak sa isip ko e, ang mag trabaho sa ibang bansa. mag trabaho hanggang pwede ko na silang kunin lahat at dun na manirahan tulad ng iba kong mga kamag-anak.

pero habang tumatanda ako, bumago ang ibang pangarap na yon.

naghihirap ang pilipinas. d naman ata bago yun. mahina ang pag usbong ng ating ekonomiya. ilang taon na ang nag daan pero ang mga nakaupong opisyal ay ganun pa rin, naglolokohan, nanloloko at naloloko.

pangarap ko pa ring makarating sa ibang bansa. pangarap ko pa ring maipasyal ang aking pamilya. pero ang magtrabaho at manatili sa ibang bansa ay matagal ng nabura sa aking isipan.

kahit na mahirap ang buhay dito sa pilipinas, kahit na mahirap kumita ng malaking pera, desidido akong magsilbi sa aking bayang sinilangan. bayan ko muna bago ang iba. tawagin mo man akong martyr, wala akong pakialam. sa akin ang pilipinas. sa ATIN ang pilipinas. ipinaglaban ng mga ninuno natin ang bansang ito. wag nating pabayaan at iwanan. kelangan tayo nito. ipakita natin na may kabuluhan ang kanilang mga pinaghirapan.

dito na rin ako maninirahan. ang dami pang lugar na hindi ko nakikita. bahala nang walang snow. masarap namang manirahan sa isang tropikal na bansa tulad ng sa atin. ang daming lugar na nakapaligid na sobrang ganda. bat pa ba tayo maghahanap ng iba? suyurin kaya muna natin ang lahat ng sulok ng ating bansa at kilalanin ang ating kultura bago pumasyal sa iba? ipagmalaki natin kung anong meron tayo. tangkilikin natin ang sa atin.

reklamo tayo ng reklamo sa maling pagtrato sa atin ng mga dayuhan. pero tayo ba mismo may tamang pagtrato sa ating kapwa? tayo ba mismo may respeto sa kapwa pinoy natin?

pag sinabing pinoy, ang naiisip ng karamihan e, mga katulong. walang pinag aralan, mga bayaran. masakit mang isipin pero iyon ang katotohanan. kaya nga ang laki ng pasasalamat ko sa mga pinoy na patuloy na gumagawa ng positibong pangalan para sa ating bansa.


Nicole Scherzinger


Christine Gambito aka Happyslip


Lou Diamond Phillips


Manny "Pacman" Pacquaio


Monique Lhuillier

Brilliante Mendoza
Lea Salonga
tia carrere
Arnel Pineda (journey)
Charice Pempengco
rob schneider
mutya buena (sugababes)
pinoy all stars
cristeta comerford (chef on White House)
dante basco
apl de ap (black eyed peas)
vanessa minnilo
cassie ventura aka cassie
jocelyn enriquez
jasmine villegas
lalaine (lizzy mcguire)
cris judd
cher calvin
vanessa hudgens
rickey of rickey.org
shannyn sossamon
jasmine trias (american idol)

** check the rest of them on Pinoys making it BIG!

ilan lang sila sa masasabi kong proud ako. ang iba man sa kanila'y d 100% dugong pinoy pero sa puso't diwa e, pinoy na pinoy.

alam kong lumihis na ako sa tema. ni di rin naman ako sigurado kung ano ang tema ko. basta lang masaya akong pinoy ako. kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba, ipinagmamalaki kong PINOY ako!

sa tanong na malaya nga ba ang pilipinas...

sa totoo lang, hindi. nakatali pa rin ang ating mga kamay. sunod sunuran sa ibang bansa. pero ang alam ko, ang pagiging malaya ang nagsisimula sa ating sarili. kung paano? siguro sa munting mga bagay tulad ng pagtangkilik at pagsuporta sa kung ano man ang gawa at talentong pinoy. sa pagpapakita na hindi tayo basta basta at sa pagkaron ng tiwala sa ating sarili na kaya natin ito. na kaya nating itaguyod ang ating bansa na hindi nagiging tuta ng ibang bansa.

parang kung sino ako kung magsalita. alam ko yon. alam ko ring isa akong hipokrita sa pagsulat ng blog na ito dahil mismong ang blog na ito e, 98% english ang gamit ko. gustuhin ko mang mag tagalog sa tuwing susulat ako pero pano nga naman ako maiintindihan ng ibang tao?