amazed

with all the bright lights and loud music, it's still you that im thinking of
with all the new faces and strangers around me, it's still you that im looking for
with the hundred conversations i had that night, it's still your words that i want to hear
i miss you so much babe, that i wish you're here.

the night i was out with Ali and his friends/officemates was really fun! too bad the cam ran out of battery and the only picture that survived is blurred! but anyway, twas great hanging out with them. such a crazy bunch! i never felt out of place or anything. i haven't had much conversation with them but they're so cool about everything that i feel so welcome and it's weird. they look like they're snobs but they're the complete opposite! they're funny and i love it! i want to be surrounded by those kind of people. they seem sooo happy and positive.



anyway, the whole night we were having fun, i realized one thing. im really a different person now. last year, i used to hang out at bars a lot. i meet a bunch of new people and hang-out with them the next couple of nights. i strike up conversations with strangers just for a dare. i drink a lot to the point where i don't care anymore. i wake up feeling so fucked up because of the large amount of alcohol i consumed from the previous night. i wake up the following night just to go out again. i say i was pretty wild last year. i released it all. the anger, the pity, the shame, everything! i was mad at the world for no reason at all. i was craving for attention. i was disappointed. i was blamed for things i didn't do. i was looking for someone to talk to. but they're just there for a day. they never stayed. they all go. even if im trying to flash my red light so hard, they still go.

and i tripped. fell so hard face flat on the floor. i crashed head on to the wall. i almost got blind. and then i got saved.

sitting by the bar, looking at the people on the dance floor, talking to Ali, trying to finish that one bottle of Red Horse, making fun of other people (whoopsie!), memories of how i was last year keeps on flashing in my mind. who was that girl? it's hard to imagine that i was like that. that i was once a party animal. i sat there with a goofy smile on my face. secretly thanking God for saving me. secretly whispers thank you to that guy across the ocean for never leaving my mind. i drank but only 1 bottle of alcohol. i danced but immediately sat down the moment a guy started hitting on me. i never gave my number away. i didn't even join Ali's friends for breakfast anymore. i just want to go home and be with him even just in dream city.

im so amazed at how he can make me do things and not do things just by staying in my mind. im so amazed at how he can make me feel this way across the miles.

im so amazed!