always and forever

they've known each other since they were kids. they know they're going to spend their lives together forever.
he went abroad to study. she got into a car accident.
she suffered from amnesia and fell in love with someone else.
he came back. she can't remember him. but he still tried to win her back.
she suddenly remembered her past. she remembered him.
they got together again.
they were happy!
she was diagnosed with eye cancer. she needs an operation.
but the doctors can't assure she'll survive after the operation.
she needs an eye donor.
the guy she fell in love with while suffering from amnesia gave her his eyes.
she doesn't know about this.
she was able to see again--- temporarily.
her body isn't responding well. she lost her vision again.
she was breaking down. but he never left her.
he married her...

but moments after exchanging their 'i do's' ...


she died in his arms on the beach...




HIM: she may be gone. but her love for me is making me strong. i may be sad but thoughts of her makes me smile. im thankful i've met her. im thankful to be able to experience the love i had with her. not everyone has that privilege. besides, i know, that someday. i'll see her on the other side. i love her. always and forever....

God Jokes

walking down the street, i saw a rainbow
i stopped, stared at it and then someone blasted "right here waiting"
tears fell down my cheeks
it's been 2 months since i last saw you. plus 1 more month till you're here with me again
i can wait. i know i can.
but it's just hard not to miss you this much

i joined a quiz bee and encountered 2 questions that reminded me of you
1. who is the only king without a mustache in a deck of cards?
2. what is the only month dated that doesn't have a full moon being recorded?
i had a big smile on my face because i know the answer 100-freakin%!
how can i go wrong when i always see u playing with your cards?
how can i go wrong when you're that kid from the moon who made me fall in love like crazy?

looking for a good book to buy, i saw Brida
i picked it up, checked some more books
and then i saw this...

i LOL'd silently
went to the counter to pay for Brida, but just when it's my turn, i U-turned
i went back for Stargirl and went home with a dorky smile on my face

i woke up today and san I LOVE YOU of Faith Evans
i ate a slice of cheesecake for breakfast
went back to sleep and dreamed of you
i don't want to wake up
i just want to stay in D city with you
but you told me to open my eyes for soon you'll be by my side
giving me a hippohug

NERDing it up!

i remember the first time i experienced COEDSO days. twas last year and i hardly knew anyone. i was new in the college and find it difficult to engage in the activites because i was still having a hard time accepting the fact that i got kicked out of the psychology program.

but this year was totally different. i was our group's coordinator for the strategy booth we made for the hearing impaired and represented SPEDers for the annual quiz bee together with 2 other co-majors. the booth, eventhough we had a hard time agreeing on what to do, was still ok. we had fun brainstorming but i admit that was the hardest part coz everyone has their own ideas and we can't seem to find a common ground. we had fun teaching the elementary kids the alphabet sign and some phrases they could use everyday. twas really tiring but seeing the kids have fun with what you made makes it all ok. the quiz bee which happened just this afternoon was about general information so i was kinda ok with it. and knowing that one of my team mates is a friend of mine made it even better. the whole time we were on stage, answering the easy, average and difficult questions, we were laughing! yea, we look really stupid but we can't help but laugh at our answers. 95% of the time, we were guessing. and around 98% of those are correct! we're only 4th placer though. well, at least we're not the lowest. :)

from my previous post, November 13, 2009/Friday d 13th, i've mentioned about trusting my instincts more. i still haven't learned. there were at least 6 or more questions i answered correctly but went for my team mate's answer just because i was not sure of my answer. wrong move! there were 2 questions in the difficult category that i correctly answered and would've earned us at least 10 points. just those 10 points and we could've won! -sigh-

anyway, i think what's important is that we had fun! my group (Joy, Hanoi, Ana, Nestor, Chaz, Diane, Charity, Trish and Anceline) in the strategy booth and my team in quiz bee (Joy and Jephuneh) are the best! we had some really SPECIAL fun! :)

omg! i actually had fun! i really sound like a nerd now. i used to hate academic school activities. i would just participate in school but mostly in sports and dancing. and now? ack! im seriously liking it! twas funny seeing the faces of some of my schoolmates when they heard i was part of the SPED quiz bee team. i was just fighting the urge to tell them that im not what they think i am. i may not look like your typical nerd girl, carrying a bunch of books, with glasses, always participates in class discussions actively and finishes every requirement on time but ....surprise! surprise! :)

but... HE is ARTHUR --> and that's enough

my previous posts i didn't talk about him even if there's a bunch of things i want to share. im overwhelmed right now. so overwhelmed that i don't even know how to start or how to even say what i want to say. not even to him. when i hear him talk, everything just stops. im tongue-tied. i have a hard time thinking what to say next. the only thing that runs in my head is i love him and that i don't want to lose him. that's it. over and over again.

i love it when he wakes me up with a phone call or just before i go to sleep. funny how i would always look forward to talk to him on the phone but would just end up listening to him speak or breathe. im crazy for him like that. and it scares me. it scares me because to be able to love like this and just be in this amazing state, would mean someday if this'll all be gone, i would end up really hurt and lost.

i've always thought, that to feel this, i need to be near that person and see him everyday. i admit that im kinda hesitant about it at first to enter in this kind of relationship. but why stop myself from something i know i'll never have again? why stop myself when i already know that he is the ONE i've been looking for? why stop myself when FINALLY after 2 freakin years, he's standing infront of me now? im stupid. but im not that stupid to let this one slip from my grip.

reading his blog, posts and comments on facebook, tweets and text messages... seeing the photos he tagged me on and his videos on youtube... hearing the songs he would send to me, his voice whenever he calls..... makes me forget about how far we are from each other. it may be hard not being able to hold him or hug him anytime i want, but i know that when the time comes that we're together, it'll be much sweeter. the moment much treasured and appreciated.

I LOVE HIM.

he may not be good in guitars like John West, play a mean game in basketball like Kobe Bryant, has a rockstar hotness like Brandon Boyd, is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, tanned surfer dude or has this coolness factor that would attract every girl in the block BUT he is ARTHUR ANTONIO. he is amazingly sweet and caring, he doesn't care if he's cheesy, he's the fastest slowpoke, he writes poems and blogs that blows me away, he looks at me like im the only girl in the universe, he listens to my baby talk, he's game in playing all our stupid games, he's sooo patient, he accepts me for me, he holds my hand and makes me feel that he won't let me go, he kisses me like hmmmmm.... (LOL) he hugs me like there's no tomorrow, he knows what to say, when to say and how to say it, he misses my mom for me, he respects the people i love (family and friends). he brought me closer to God, he treasures his family and the ultimate, he loves me. HE LOVES ME!




and right now, that's all that matters.

9 years...

last night, December 1, almost midnight ----i was so tired and sleepy so i decided to hit the sack. but the moment i turned off the lights, my sleepiness escaped me. i kept on moving in my bed and no matter how tired i was, i can't sleep.

9 years ago, while i was waiting for a replay of the Lakers game, i received a phone call. (mama was in a teacher's outing in Davao for a week that time) 'twas from my Mom's co-teacher. i already had a feeling that something's wrong because, why would she use my Mom's phone and talk to me? i'm not even close to her. and where was my Mom? ..she asked me who i was with and that i should sit down coz she has something important to tell me. i went outside of the house instead and waited for her to talk. "we're here at the hospital. your Mom had a heart attack?" took her only seconds to say that but hearing it felt like a thousand years! my mom. my mom had an heart attack and was in coma. all i can remember saying back to her was, "ok. i'll inform papa." ...but the first person i tried calling was my mom's bestfriends. i couldn't reach them so i called my brother who was in Bohol studying at that time. the last person i called was my Dad.

first thing the next morning, he picked me up and my mom's sister and brother. we dropped by in Kabacan to pick my sister who was studying there and went directly to Davao Doctor's Hospital. Mama was lying in a hospital bed in the ICU. tubes where attached to her, breathing apparatus beside her bed. i never went near her. im scared and was in denial. she's strong. she's healthy and bubbly and seeing her like that is so hard for me. i grew up with her and we were always together everyday and suddenly, she's lying helpless in a hospital bed.

December 3, kuya arrived from Bohol. we were never close. we always clash but the moment we saw each other, we just hugged like there's no tomorrow. i clung onto him like a baby telling him "kuya, si mama... si mama..." while crying the whole time. later that day, we decided to trasfer mama in a private room for there were a lot of people visiting her. some of them even traveled just to see her. the time mama's doctor called us, i know there's really nothing we can do anymore. if the doctors would revive her, she'll be a vegetable and we don't want that. mama doesn't want that. we know because she told us that before. around 6pm that day, she was slowly giving up. we all gathered around her bed. well, except for me. i never talked to her (people in coma can still hear and feel) or hugged her or kissed her like the rest of my family did. i just stood at the end of the bed, watching everyone, trying to keep myself from crying, asking God "why my Mom?" .... we all agreed to just pull the plug. they said their goodbyes. i didn't.

i never really cried. i don't want to cry. i kept on telling myself that she's just in a vacation. that she'll come home soon. i graduated in high school, went to college but i only see her in my dreams. one thing why i love to sleep is because i can see her there. i can talk to her and touch her. she's real and alive in my dreams. its sounds crazy but i'd rather leave it like that.

9 years. but as much as i want to say that im ok. im not. and i don't think i'll ever be ok. i cry everytime i think about her. im crying now. i need her. i need my mom. i don't think i'll ever be complete. papa said im growing up looking more like mama. he's seeing much of mama in my personality and how i look at life. she's with me. she's in me.

but if given a chance to spend even just an hour with her, i'll grab that. i'll grab every opportunity i could just to spend some time with her. i miss her so much! i miss our moments. i miss MAMA! i miss her...