can't keep up

i know i have done a lot of things to disappoint my family. but it's not like i did those on purpose. i've always believed that im a strong person, that im mature, that i can handle things my own way. but that faith in myself is starting to crash.

im 21 years old, and im still in college. been to 4 different universities, majored in nursing to psychology and now special education. why i kept on transferring has to do with my dad not satisfied with my grades and financial reasons. why i shifted from one course to another is because i was just forced to take up nursing and then i got kicked out of the psychology program.
it wasn't easy.

when i was in high school, i was so excited to get into college and i swore that i'll graduate by the time im 20. but i took a different path. i didn't noticed that im taking the wrong one. i was devastated. i got used to myself going up on stage receiving awards, being recognized in school for being on top of the class, being sent to seminars and workshops and then, everything has changed.

we make our own choices. we drive our own car. we write our own story.

i drove my own car and smashed it big time! i'm writing my own story but im still having a hard time looking for a happy ending. im making my own choices but apparently, it's not the good ones.

when things like that happen, your family will always be there for you. my family is... ---at the moment.

i remember my mom being so happy whenever i get awards. the smile on her face, how she talks about me with her friends just feels so good that that alone can make me do my very best. she was ALWAYS there. even if i get low grades, she was there. if i feel so down, she was there to encourage me. when i feel scared, she was there to accompany me.

but where was the rest of my family? i know my sister was there, too. we clash a lot but i know she's proud of me. when i need help, even if it irritates her, even if she doesn't feel like helping me, she still drop hints on what i should do. she has her own little ways of making me feel than im not alone especially when our mom died.

my dad? he was there, "pasulpot-sulpot". i just really felt his presence when i was in high school. a lot of rules. a lot of arguments. major discussions that ends with him being always right ( i guess a lot of fathers are like these). i hated my dad. he was the complete opposite of my mom. but as years passed, he started to listen and we're all ok now. at least...

my brother was my hero. WAS. im thankful for him. he saved me through my darkest days. but we all grow up and in some ways, we lose the person we used to know. was my hero. im sure you're wondering why...

---------------------
this isn't exactly what i wanted to write. but as i ran my fingers through the keyboard, i just can't stop. there's just a lot of thoughts in my mind and it's all jumbled up now.. my fingers can't keep up.

...coz i'm all for SHERWIN MAXINO!

.... he ended (left) Litebox and now begins Attack Team Alpha with ...

.... his sister, YVONNE MAXINO (drums), STEVEN RUBI (guitars), LANCE LOPERA (bass), ARTER KINGSAWAT (keys)

....and so ..................

people of my year 2008

i got this idea from Bianca Gonzales and i think it is a really nice idea to give tribute to those who have touched and inspired us through our journey during 2008.

but right now, all im gonna do is post some pictures of the people who helped me through my journey last year. some of them i haven't even met personally, some i just exchange e-mails with and for sure most of them wonders why they have a spot here but they have played a very big part in my life.

... so everyone, here they are ...

Florante Pasco, Jr.
My Dad. My Papa.
it was hard for me to open up to my Dad. i got used to his ways of him being always right. But last year, i got enough courage and was able to open up. i had the strength to tell him everything, well almost everything. He listened and shared his views. he opposed on some of my ideas but in the end gave in and respected it. he made me stronger and wiser. he may not be the greatest father in the world but I LOVE HIM TO BITS!

Augustine, Jr. and Anne Vestil

Kuya Don and Manang
i will always love being with them. never a time that i don't get inspired or learned something. i love having conversations with them because they really listen. and it's always fun talking to them. whatever the topic is ...music, food, books, life, school,lovelife... anything under the sun they seem to know what to say and when to say it. they're like family to me.. my support system... i love and miss 'em to bits!

Bianca Gonzales
Bianca.
she's not just a celebrity to me. a truly inspiring lady, a REAL PERSON! if i could be someone else, i'd love to be her. her views on life never fails to make me think about how im living mine. the way she handles criticisms thrown her way amazes me. she knows how to handle things with grace. everytime i read her blog, it inspires me to be an inspiration to other people, too. i guess i owe it to her ----the nice part of me.

Travis Isbell
Foofie.
i haven't met him personally but the months we've spent talking to each other made me feel like he's here with me. especially last summer where i get almost everyday phone calls from across the globe. he made me realize that it's not impossible to build a connection even if you haven't met the person face to face. he's funny and smart. though he gets on my nerves at times, he will always have the spot of the only guy that can bully me.

Robert "Bob" Karash
Kuya Bob.
all thanks to my now defunct blog on myspace, i met him. not personally though. he never fails to get in touch. and in his mails, he never fails to remind me that im blessed. he is my mentor, my friend, my Kuya. i love the fact that i can be just myself and tell him everything without hesitations. he inspires me to be the best that i can be. and he is also the reason why i see to it that i always keep in touch with my friends across the globe. he taught me how to be caring with people i haven't met in person. he taught me to trust myself and that i can be what i want to be no matter what other people say.

Geneveve Tan
Gen.
if im asked what a friend is... my answer would be Geneveve Tan. yep! she's someone everyone would want to be friends with, someone you'll definitely don't wanna trade off. Gen helped me emotionally, socially, mentally and even financially. she's the kind of person who's already there even if you haven't told her anything yet. her willingness to be there for you will touch you in many ways. she listens and never judges you. she has her own set of problems but she handles it just fine. i applaud her for her strength and wisdom. im sooo lucky to have a friend like her! (thanks a lot Gen!)

Patty Laurel
Patty.
She's fun and always on the go. i learned to stay positive and to look for nice things on everything that crosses my path. that there's always something worth smiling for on a rainy day. her blog is my major pick-me-upper!!!

Ralph Waldy Soguilon
Don-Don.
i have a huge crush on this guy. (he might be able to read this but then he knows already so what the heck!) anyway, aside from the looks i also admire his talent in sports. he's like the fastest man in the philippines! but something tragic happened. with his story, there's this voice inside of me telling me that there's no reason to give up. everything happens for a reason. we all struggle, we all fall down and its up to us to get back on the track or not. but if we don't then that's when we can say that we lost. i'll never see him the way i used to. yes, i still have a crush on him (lol!) but whenever i see his pictures, or read his blog or have a lil chat with him on ym, it's like im taking a motivator pill. it's like im being recharged!

Sandie Burnett-Garland
Sandie.
another person across the globe. i love her! she's like a sister to me. i don't know why but we just started to exchange messages on myspace, linked each other on our blogs and now on facebook. we make sure that we're always updated about each other. she understands me even if we're from different cultures. she's one of the great advisors ever!

Richard "Chardy" Castrodes
Kropek.
OK. i may sound bitter here but you can't blame me. he disappeared in my life just like the way appeared in it ---UNEXPECTEDLY! in a very short span of time, we got to know each other in ways i never thought it could. he never left my side during one of the most difficult times in my life. he listened, gave me strength, he believed and encouraged me to never give up. he is one of the reasons why im all energized with the path i chose now, why im standing and fighting with my best ever self. i owe him a lot! but as much as i do, i don't think i'll ever forget what he has done to me. the pains he inflicted that up to now i still feel. he know me too well and i trusted him. he told me things he doesn't like but that's exactly what he did to me. i never spoke to him eversince "that night". it's hard. i guess he served as a reminder to me. just when i decided to expose myself, everything fell apart. he is a GREAT guy. too great it ruined him in ways he doesn't even know. (PS: if you're reading this, i could hate you forever but im not going to. besides, it's not like you did everything on purpose. what goes around comes around anyway. well, THANK YOU ---again. ...for another lesson learned)

... thank you Bianca Gonzales for the idea. :) ..next on my list, My Person of the Month.


** pictures of Bianca Gonzales and Patty Laurel are from their blogs.

slumdog millionaire --BEST EVER!!!

i have to say this is the best movie i've seen since City of Gods (Cidade de Deus).

Slumdog Millionaire is British-Indian drama film directed by Danny Boyle. It is based in the novel Q and A by Vikas Swarup.

It tells the story of a young man from the slums of Mumbai who appears on a game show and exceeds people's expectations, arousing the suspicions of the game show host and of law enforcement officials. Jamal Malik (Dev Patel) begins to offer an explanation of how he knew the answers which is conveyed as a series of flashbacks documenting the particulars of his childhood.

The story and the characters amazed me. i loved everything to bits! especially Dev Patel who played the teenage Jamal Malik and the young version of him played by Ayush Makesh Khedekar. The kid is AMAZING!!! Plus the teenage girl who played Latika, Freida Pinto is totally pretty!

Another thing that i love about the film is its music by A. R. Rahman. The remixed song Paper Planes by M.I.A. is what i enjoyed the most.

The movie as we all have heard received various awards and nominations.

Watch this movie! You cannot not love this... :)

PS:
i'm loving Dev Patel (he also plays the role Anwar Kharral in the teen drama series Skins).


...and the kid who played young Jamal ...
... he is simply adorable! another reason why this movie rocks is because of this kid...

..can't wait

i don't know where to put myself anymore..



act my age? act maturely... i tried. but still, i failed. how do you define the word 'matured' anyway?



... tell me, please. coz im so confused that i don't know how to act anymore. i tried being mature but im treated like a kid. and when time comes that i've done something childish, people freak out on me because im being immature!



.... someone told me that he who has the gold makes the rules. he's right. i know that. so what now? im left to follow their rules and just shut up? even if i have something in mind or im hurt so bad, i'll still shut up? am i not entitled to speak what's on my mind and do things on my own? or am i being too much?



... can't wait to graduate. can't wait to live MY life. i don't care if it's not going to be easy. all i know is that im looking forward to it.

talk about procrastinating.

i'm tired.

.. im supposed to write something but i got tired. hihihi...

so, next time na lang.

hanggang tingin na lang ata ako.

It was during our COEDSO Days that i noticed him. After that, I just can’t stop thinking about him.

My friends would tease me that im starting to be a stalker. I just laughed at them coz I know im not acting like one. but who am I kidding? i know how he looks like from afar, I know where he hangs during break time, where he’s from originally and how he got here in Cebu, I looked him up on friendster and check his acct from time to time. I also stumbled upon his blog and read his very first entry up to the latest. He sings and lays the guitar. I know that he drives a car and that ….. wait. Im talking too much. Haha! Am I acting like a stalker already?

If yes, well you can’t blame me. He is so likeable! He’s smart and nice and talented. He is just everything I wanted my guy to be. Geez! Usually if I like someone, I’d do anything just to befriend that person. But with him, it’s different. Whenever I see him in the hallway, I get glued to where im standing, i need my friends to hit me so I won’t stop staring and the big goofy smiling face is present! Arrghh!! Everyday, the first thing I do in school is to look for him, im so alert that even his voice keeps on ringing in my head. Hala! Im going gaga over him na talaga!

BUT! A very big BUT…. Which totally breaks my heart..

….he is TAKEN. Yes, taken by a girl who seems so nice. Judging from what I read in his blog, he’s really into the girl.

Hanggang tingin na lang nga ata ako. Hanggang silip. Hanggang panaginip.

‘nak ng kotong naman oh! May nakita nga, may natipuhan nga, d naman pwede.

Ewan. Sometimes I think na its only infatuation. I hope nga.. para d ganun kahirap. lets see next month if im still into him. Hahaha!

But for the record, even if he’s available, I don’t think I stand a chance. And even if I do, I don’t think me and him will even exist.

So much for dreaming….

PS: I like him a lot!

PPS: I absoBLOODYlutely do!

edward cullen fever

just a FEW reasons why a lot of girls love ..

EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN of TWILIGHT

A normal guy would say: "I love you, baby!"

Edward would say "You are my life now."

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: "Bye, see ya!"

Edward would say: "Hurry back to me."

While you've gone far away, a normal guy would say: "I miss you."

Edward would say: "It's like you've taken half myself with you."

If you died, a normal guy would find another

Edward would kill himself cause "life without you isn't worth living.."

-------

im not so much into Twilight or Edward Cullen like most of the girls these days. yea, he's dreamy. but WAKE UP PEOPLE!

..anyway, if u ask me? all i want.... IS FOR SOMEONE TO WANT ME BACK.

2009 na!!!

... a whole month of not posting anything.. SORRY!

..but anyway, 2009 is here and here's to a new (?) me.. hahah!

yep! im a working progress and im going to post some videos and pics soon.. just about what i've done for the past month..

yun lang so... abangan! ;)