"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

Friday, April 24, 2009

is he?

he's one of the first friends i made back in gensan. i was alone during enrollment and i can hear him and his friends talking and telling jokes that i can't help but laugh, too. they're a bunch of cute guys and i can't help but look at them from time to time. anyway, what's there to lose? im new in the city and a transferee. so i definitely have an excuse to make friends with them. but lucky as i am, they were the ones who approached me first. the next thing i know, i was sharing stories to them and they kept on asking about what brought me to their place. since we were having so much fun talking they decided to walk me home. by the time we reached where i live, we found out that we have a lot of common friends! apparently, they know the people i met during summer while i took a crash course in drums.

that's where it all started. i don't really hanged-out with their group but me and one of the guys got really close since we have classes together. he's actually one of the few people i totally trusted right away. he was so nice and funny and very supportive with whatever i do. during the whole semester, we're always seen together in school and if not, people around would always ask us where the other is. it was a bit awkward when people started to think that we are a couple since i have a boyfriend back then. i tried explaining to them that were not an item but they would just brush it off like it was some kind of a joke. they say im so stupid to not even notice how much the guy likes me. whatever!

but, they were right! because the next thing i know, he confessed that he likes me big time but then he knows he's just a friend to me. he knows that im so into my boyfriend at that time and he respects it. he just wanted me to know that he's always gonna be by my side no matter what happens. i was dumbfounded.

he's sweet to me alright but i never really thought that he likes me more than a friend. im happy that he didn't pushed himself. he made it really easy and i totally appreciate it. guys like him are rare. we ended up being best friends which i think is way better! there's no dull moment with him. though there are times that he completely annoys me but he knows how to make it up to me right away. besides, it's not like i can ignore him for a long time. after all he's the only guy back then that i can really talk to without worrying about what im gonna say or how im gonna appear when i say some things. it's like we don't really care what we're doing, where we are or what we're talking about as long as we're together.



i was with someone at that time and he dated a lot. i always tease him of how much he dated different girls every time i see him. we don't really talk about it seriously when we're together. idk. i can't really remember him talking about it. and i don't really want to open it up. thinking about it now made me realize that i felt awkward and jealous. it's weird seeing him not with me. it's stupid to feel this way because i've always thought that i was totally into my boyf. but...

.... when i left gensan, and came back 2 months later for a visit, he was the first one to see me. he was there and he was doing what my boyf should be doing at that time. i shrugged it off trying to justify everything my boyf has been doing at that time. again, i ignored my best friend. but still he kept his word.

it's been years and it's just now that i allowed myself to think about him this much. i guess im just scared to admit that i like him all along.

he's actually with one of my friends now. 1 year and 6 months. i don't like the girl for him even if she's my friend. im not saying this to ruin the girls reputation but because i know my best friend deserves better. it's not a shock to me when he texted me and asked for my help a couple of times if i know something about his gf's "other" activities. i don't. the girl won't even talk to me ever since they started dating! and i just found out earlier that she's jealous of me. HAH!

idk if my bestfriend is really happy now. i hope he is. i hope she's really taking care of him and that she's giving him the respect and treatment he deserves. coz if not, i know what i want now and i wouldn't make the same mistake again.



im waiting for him to finish his dinner. im happy and i MISS HIM! i miss my Ken. i miss my bestfriend. i miss MY LABS. that's what he calls me. i miss the way he shouts "myLabs" in the hallway. i miss the way he makes me laugh. i miss the way he makes lambing to me and the way he pisses me off. i miss the way he takes care of me and makes sure im ok.

i should have known. dangit! it took me years to realize this? too late. distance. situations. people around. took me this long to come around.

i can't believe that this is actually how i feel for him. as much as im happy that we're still good, im sad, too. coz i don't even know when i'll ever see him again. or if i'll ever see him again.

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bhes kong myLabs, if by any chance you stumble on this, well, u can just ignore it and spare ourselves the drama. u know what i mean. i wrote this because i can't hide it anymore. i need to let it go and i know better than confessing this to you. i can't think of any other way but to write a blog about it.

talk to u later.