it's more than just a picture

So my pinning ceremony was done. Im happy that finally im closer to that diploma I’ve been trying to get for 7 years. Im happy but a lot is missing. Last semester, for the October graduates, I was tasked to be one of the emcees of the pinning ceremony. Watching the practicumers go up the stage with their parents made me smile and so happy because I know a couple of months from that, I will be the one up there. Now my time has come and all I want to do is cry.

I held back my tears during the whole mass and ceremony. I don’t want anyone to see me cry. I don’t want to look like a stupid emotional fool infront of them. But im in my room and now im free. I am happy but I can’t help and be sad. The excitement I had a few months ago just vanished. I was for my  Papa more than for myself. Finally, he can see me wear my practicum uniform, go up the stage and pin my nameplate. But this morning, all I had was his hanky. The moment Papa passed away, my pinning ceremony and graduation was some of the things that came into my mind. Neither my Mama nor Papa would be there. But I still have my siblings and that made me smile. Then my sister can’t make it. So it’s just my brother and sister-in-law. And im thankful they were there. It’s just not easy to watch the rest of the 103 practicumers go up on stage with their parents and smile to whoever’s taking their picture. It’s hard to watch them hug their parents and see their parents smile back at them. I seriously just want to run to the bathroom and bawl and ask God, WHY?

I graduated in preschool with just Mama and ate with me. From elementary, just Mama. From high school, just Ate. And now, just Kuya. WHY? Papa was never in the picture. And all I wanted was for him to be here with me at this moment but I guess I’m too late.

For some it would be just an ordinary day but for me it’s something big. I have failed twice but believe me or not, I WAS TRYING. But someone told me before that no matter how hard you try, if it’s not meant for you, you will never get it. And that God has a reason for everything. I accepted my failure though at times it hurts me because no matter what achievement I get, it haunts me.

I know they’re both watching from above but it would’ve been great if they were there at the Center. It would’ve been great to see them stood up when the priest asked all the parents to stand up. It would’ve been great to walk between them and go up the stage, have my nameplate pinned by either one of them and smile to whoever’s taking our picture. It would’ve been great to stand beside them, introduce my friends and tell my teachers, they’re my parents! I guess, I’ll just need to pray hard and ask God to have a repeat performance in dcity but this time, with mama and papa.

This is just one of a million moments I wished im sharing with them. But I have to settle to them just watching from heaven.

It's just a picture... But for me, it's more than JUST the click of the camera and posting of helluva number of pictures on facebook.

The "magical" Proposal

this is way overdue but i already mentioned from my earlier post that i am now engaged! yepyep! at 24. though i don't really look like im 24. but that's a different story.. anyway, 4 years ago, i met a guy and i know something about him is special and im gonna wait for the time that i can find that out. 2 years later, we became a couple and 2 years later, engaged to be married.

it's hard especially when you're in a long distance relationship. even harder when you're beating not just the miles but the time. yes.. we have a 12 hour difference. exactly on the other side of the world. but we're doing a pretty good job, i might say. the support of both our families and friends has and continually been overwhelming! we are indeed blessed!

days before this happened, i kept on stumbling upon flash mob wedding proposals (thanks to his friend, Phil --who is an awesome writer btw) and we would watch it together. lil did i know, im gonna have my own surprise. it may not be a crazy flash mob with a million views on youtube but it was something no one has ever done. at least from what i know.

fiance is a street magician from South Florida. known as Antino Art he stands out from the rest of the magicians you know because he uses his OWN poetry and incorporate it with his tricks. every trick you'll see from him has a story. and you'll see that with how he proposed. you won't see the whole thing in video since one of the guests only captured the time when my brother started reading the "pamanhikan letter" ( a letter from fiance's parents asking their blessing to allow their son to propose; a filipino tradition).

anyway, it was during my nephew's christening that it happened. my brother asked him and some of his magician friends here in Cebu (shoutout to Thomas Pua) to perform for the guests. fiance took over the last part of the event. he asked who wants some presents and distributed some stuff around along with 9 chapter/letters. i got the 9th chapter. he then asked who is holding the 1st chapter and told them to read it. after that, he would perform a magic trick that is in line with what he wrote in the chapter. everything was connected. everything speaks of how we got together. and then it came to me... at the back of my mind, i knew there was something and i feel like crying from excitement and nervousness but i don't want to assume. my sister-in-laws tita was actually whispering "i think he's going to propose" and that's when i started having a hard time breathing because i wasn't the only person thinking about it.

when i finished my chapter, someone gave me a piece of kisses chocolate. you how they have a white strip on top, well that one was replaced with a yellow strip that says "see the next chapter" .. that's when my brother started reading the letter (watch the video).

you'll see my brother cry here. and that made me cry. i think the guests were startled because most of them are his and his wife's officemates and bosses. no one knew that fiance was going to do that except for his parents.

here are some pictures i already posted in my tumblr acct. to know what the number is about, click HERE.

and yes, there was no ring. just cards with yes and no written at the back. if you noticed in the video, i double looked to see if it really what i think it was. i ran to my brother and hugged him tight because i want him to know that I WANT THIS GUY TO BE MY HUSBAND and im dying for him to say OK. to those who didn't know, we just lost our father a month before the proposal and my brother is like my father. even before our dad passed away. so what he would say means a lot to me. and im sure damn glad he nodded and told me to go. and as a pure Filipina that i am, i pointed with my "nguso" ( like how you pout your lips). i directed it to YES.

YES even without a ring. yes, a ring is a symbol and is a must-have when you propose but he defied it and chose his way and i admire him for that. it just made me sure that he is the guy i want to spend my life with. he knows sincerity matters most and his effort of doing that in front of a lot of strangers won my heart over again.<3

Antino's thing at d' Downtown Art Festival

the fiance doing his thing at the Downtown Art Festival at Gainesville, Florida last November 12..

with one of his fellow magician who im excited to meet, Datta

i don't post much of work related stuff of my fiance here but i think i should start doing that and let more people know about his passion/work because its been helping us A LOT! so, if you're from Florida (or anywhere around US & abroad actually-- you just kinda need to shoulder the expenses cept if he's there on your country and you got lucky), and need some cool entertainment that would blow your mind, my fiance, Antino Art and his troupe, House of Flying Cards will be so grateful to perform at your event (lol! this is me trying hard to promote).

check out Antino Art's website and get in touch with him HERE.

photos courtesy of The Gainsville Sun

anyway for more photos during

DAMN Lottie Moss!

only 13 but looking crazy smashin! Lottie Moss is Kate Moss' half sister... gawwd! THE GENES!!!

and look at this close up shot... the face is so mysteriously hunting in a nice way..

photos courtesy of Graziadaily

3 Stars and The Son

remember the master rapper, Francis M.? well, his not so lil son, Elmo, now 17 years old , just released his 1st ever single 3 Stars and The Son (ft Kris Lawrence, Jay-R and Billy Crawford)

for free download click here


after successfully downloading it, come back here and sing along!

(Chorus)
Guess who’s the new kid on the block
Taking my game straight to the top
Knocking these joints out one by one
3 stars and the son, we just havin fun

Verse 1
I know I’m 17 but I got big dreams
3 stars I’m the son yeah that’s my team
Rocking shows that’s my thing, though I don’t wear no bling
I got my own swag lemme show you what I mean
Y’all know my name, I’m switchin lanes for fame
Big shoes to fill, I got it all for real
I represent for my pop, rest in peace with the God
I’m the untouchable kid, ain’t no time to stop
All the lessons I’m learnin, stay on my grind as I’m workin
Got all the help that I’m gettin, haters back up get ya steppin
Pop’s got my back up in heaven, yo I know he be watchin
Guidin me through this while I be spittin, Imma make him proud ‘til I finish yup

(Chorus)

Verse 2
By now y’all know what the business is
While other kids play this boy’s serious
Ain’t got no time for the booty poppin, I see them ladies jockin
Now watch what I say when the beat comes knockin
Hot and fresh out the kitchen, I’m young and fly with a mission
Now listen up pay attention, ain’t no such thing as a problem
Cuz all I got is solutions, the future’s here gotta love it
I’m having fun while I live it, crossing ova dunk while I’m winning
All the time in the world, get with the girls, stay in school gotta live n’ learn
Don’t drink don’t smoke not my concern, shining star crash and burn
Just tryna be somebody while I rock your party
3 stars, yeah I’m the son tell everybody

(Chorus)

Kris L:
Im the first star in this all-star team
I gotta give it up
Cuz im living my dream
Can i get an EY-YO
3 Stars takin over your radio

Jay-R:
Now it’s my turn
And they call me Jay-Star
Shinin so bright
See me comin from afar
Known as the prince of RnB
It’s about that time we lift this industry

Billy:
I ain’t tryna fool you
Im the 3rd star in this crew
Low drop it low
Lil Moe we got it all for you
Droppin these hits like it ain’t a thang
3 stars & the Son we just doin our thang

Guess who’s the new kid on the block
Taking my game straight to the top
Knocking these joints out one by one
3 stars and the son we just having fun (we just having fun) (2x)
3 stars and the son we just having fun

(Chorus)

Just For A Moment

yay for the new song i stumbled upon!

Jason Chen – Just For A Moment (First/New Single Music Video)

1st verse reminds me a lot of me and boyfie.

Another state, another city got me tired out
Flashing lights of cameras flickerin as people shout
It’s not enough to hear my baby’s voice on the phone
Cause the only fan I care about is back home alone
They tellin me that I got plenty o’ time for a relationship
Told me to wait on it (no no)
Cause ever since the day you came in my life
You were my favorite, dont know what to make of it (whoa whoa)
Lookin through photos of us in my hotel room
After a couple shows you know I’ll be back soon
So many sleepless nights,
tossing, turning alone aint right
Girl you know im impatiently yearnin that

-------------------------------

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

if you happen to stumble on my blog again, i hope you'll get to read this. THANK YOU SO MUCH! that simple comment made me smile. i hope next time, you won't go anonymous anymore.

lotsa duck love,
A <3

“No offense but it’s easier to change the model than the prototype.”

so you know how much i LOVE being pinoy... ok. that could be a lil hypocrital since i listen to a bunch of foreign music and adore foreign films and read books written by yes, non-Filipino people. STILL, i love being Pinoy. the food, the culture, the traditions, i know will forever stick with me. i may not post blogs in Filipino much but that's because most of my readers well, 2nd most are English speakers. so i have a job to uphold. ;)

anyway, lets cut the chase. i just wanna to share this 2 videos i saw of Georgina Wilson. yes, she's half pinoy, half Brit model reppin Philippines. she recently appeared on America's Next Top Model Cycle 17 (All Stars) as the wardrobe stylist (BENCH). hoohah!!! i just want to share because pure blooded, half or a quarter PINOY is STILL PINOY.

the 2 vids are practically the same but this is my blog so lemme post whatever...

1. clearer vid

2. just some other version from youtube

so there... aside from Georgina Wilson, fashion designer Michael Cinco is back on ANTM's 9th ep! was looking for a video but apparently, everything was removed on youtube OR i wasn't looking right.