"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

Sunday, March 30, 2008

slipped away

all of us cried over some songs. we remember some persons we miss, moments we want to relive, feelings we try to ignore. and once we hear a particular song that triggers our emotions, we start to cry.

as for me, there's a lot of them. im a cry baby. im emotional. and music has been my refuge eversince i was a kid. i listen to
all genre. but im more into alternative rock and rn'b. and whenever im listening to songs, i usually wanna be alone. i just really listen to it, the lyrics, the melody, just about everything.

3 songs that always makes me cry are:


the scientist - coldplay [reminds me of someone i thought my gonna be forever]
it was our day - b*witched [reminds me of my mom]
leader of the band - dan fogelberg [because of my grandfather]


these songs never fails to make me cry.. like everywhere i go, and i'd hear it, you'll definitely see tears on my face.

lately, i've been listening to a lot of avril lavigne's songs. and there's this particular song that struck me. and it's now on my list of "songs that makes me cry". here, listen to it --> SLIPPED AWAY.

reminds of my grandfather and mom who i miss soooo much! the song just fits. i wasn't there when they passed away. i wasn't able to tell them what i really feel because i was so damn busy with my own life. and i regret it. cliche as it may sound but it's right..
You never know what you've got till it's gone.


Wo Poi, Mama... I MISS YOU BOTH!
lola mie and lolo poy


ate.Mom.me.kuys

Saturday, March 29, 2008

it feels different

it feels different. i was on-line lastnight and the person i always talk to isn't. so, i ended up sleeping early. and i woke up around lunch time! i slept for almost 13 hours. before, even if i only have 4-5 hours of sleep i find myself waking up at around 7 or 8am. and i wouldn't go back to sleep until 2 or 3am. unless im really tired then i'll take a nap.

it feels different. logging i
n on ym and not seeing him on-line and not receiving any off-line messages from him.

it's just been a day but it feels like weeks! haha! what's happening to me? i know it's so clear that i miss him. im just used to talking to him everyday. and i also know this isn't the 1st time that i won't be able to talk to him. for sure other moments like this would happen especially when i go back to school for summer class.

anyway, it's just a couple of days and he'll be back. and i'm back to my stupid goofy smiley face. =D

...and i just remembered, he reads my blog! haha! oh well, there.. IM MISSING U!!!


Friday, March 28, 2008

runnin away

it's been almost 2 weeks since the last time we were together. we still talk but usually just to say hi and check what's up. we were close. but right now, he seems to be someone else. someone i don't know. he is more than my past. i can't even remember how i felt back then.

last night, he was supposed to drop by here but i have to meet some friends so i told him to just wait till i get back. but when i saw him later that night, i got really nervous and i just went straight home. i didn't texted him anymore and tell him that im home. though i know he saw me.

i thought im ready to see him. but i guess, im still not. i don't have feelings for him anymore but i don't know how to face him. while im writing this, i received a missed call from him. i know i should text him and tell him that he can come over but i didn't. he keeps on trying to reach me so he can return my jacket and my phone but i always ignore him. well, not really ignore but as what i've said, i don't think i im ready.

what im doing isn't right, i know but i'd rather do this than face him and say something wrong, complicate things and hurt him even more.

i know he knows bout this blog. but im not sure if he still visits this. but if so, here's something..

IM SORRY! you told me a hundred times that its ok and just forget about it. that its not my fault and you can't push me to like you. but still, im sorry for the pains i've caused. for hurting you. for loving you and leaving you just like that..



anyway, i really hope i'll have the courage soon!


Sunday, March 23, 2008

an end - and a begining


... and it's goodbye

... back to singlehood ..back to doing things alone ..back to JUST ME.

its not a bad thing, i know. its refreshing! but sad..

i just hope that the nextime im gonna be with someone, it's something that i can fight for no matter what. that i won't chicken out anymore or that it won't come to the point where i'll fall out of love again..

i hope that, that nextime it would be like, i-can't-let-go or i-don't-wanna-let-go..



well, now.. i guess its up to me. to find what's in store..

everything that ends causes a new start..

Friday, March 21, 2008

CHANGES

funny how my days are all the same, but when i look back, a lot has changed!

they say, that, CHANGE is the only thing that is constant. i TOTALLY agree with that..
[if you don't, well, im willing to hear your side]

these past couple of months seemed steady. school-house-friends-bf--family-internet. that's where my life evolved. and im pretty cool about it! i don't go out as much, i just stay here at home and do whatever it is i feel like doing. after all, i've got what i want. or so i thought!


a couple of weeks back i've been really busy and stressed and kinda f*cked up in school. and there's always family issues that won't seem to go away plus my ever-so-loyal haters. i know i started to act weird and cold and i stayed away from some people. i don't mean any of it. it's just that, sometimes i NEED to get away from it so as not to hurt those people around me. see, i get really b*tchy when im stressed.


but i tried. at least to this one person i know i owe a lot! he has been really great! the patience, the love and understanding i received from him is just amazing! i tried.. i thought things will pass after my finals but im still like this right now. and its killing me! im starting to believe that im such a bad person! that i don't deserve someone like him.. that i don't deserve to be loved. i know what i want. yes! i do. but sometimes, pursuing what you want isn't exactly the best for everyone. where does that leaves me now?

i know i have to make a decision so as to stop all the agony. im not the only one hurting here, i know. but tell me, how am i suppose to tell that person that i fell out of love from him? how am i to say that??? there's no eas
y way but the hard way and that totally sucks!

ive done a lot of thinking, and i asked him to give me some time. he said yes and that he's just gonna wait. i was thinking, that maybe time will ease up everything and i'll find my way back to him. but one of my friends told me that, i already admitted that i fell out of love so what's the use?!? she was damn right! what's the use???


people do change. feeli
ngs change no matter how hard you try. no matter how long you try, if you don't feel anything anymore, that's it! you have to say goodbye, right?

BUT WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH????

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

another 1st...

awww... lemme count ..1 ..2 ..3. ..4 ..5 ..ok ok. this ain't my 1st blogsite. i have one on each of my friendster accts. ive got 2 by the way. 1 in myspace. and a couple more wherein i forgot the sites already..
then why am i here? idk. i have this one since last year but i never posted anything.. then i just stumbled on this one just a couple of hours ago and i decided to make my 1st entry! :)
so, uhmmm... i guess im gonna be hanging here for awhile since its summer.. no class. well, not really... just for a couple of weeks coz there's summer classes... there! whoever i am.. its for you to find out... ;)

oh! and uhmm.. every post of mine, i'd leave a photo.. just not SOME photo.. just take some time and look at it. try to see things and reflect... ;) like this..


now this isn't mine.. it's from someone [i forgot.. sorry!] from myspace.. so mad props to that person for capturing this...