..now i know

"don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you"

i always believe in that saying. especially when it comes to L-O-V-E. i saw my mom cry whenever she and my dad had a fight. i saw my sister cried her eyes out because of some guy. and my brother get pissed or be quiet in a corner just because some girl broke his heart. i saw my friends breakdown because of love, marriages fall apart, people falling out of love.

i promised that if im gonna be in a relationship, i'll take care of it. i will love that person no matter what. im so naive to say that. i thought things like that are easy. hah!

i had this relationship with someone. we were together for 9 months. he was really special! everything was great until i had to leave. we were in a long distance relationship for 3 months. and there was a time i visited him, and i felt like he was pushing me away already. he's not as sweet, not as caring. he's just not the same person i know. it hurts a lot! but i shrug it off. pretended like everything's fine. but after a couple of weeks, we broke up.

it was hell! i was like a zombie, a cry everyday, i don't eat much, i don't talk much, it seemed like everything around me doesn't matter anymore. i don't know how i got over it. but im glad i did. i never really understood what happened because we never really talked about it.

it's not until now that everything became clear. i just broke up with my boyfriend like a week ago. my reason? i fell out of love. u probably know that already if you read my previous post. but anyway, stupid as may sound, i let go of someone i dreamt of. someone i asked for. he's close to being perfect! nice guy, good looking, sweet and caring and sensitive to my feelings. family-oriented, respects me and my family and friends. he was always there. he never left me.

what happened? i don't know, too. i don't know why in just a snap of a finger, everything i felt for him vanished. i kept on asking myself WHY. he's already infront of me, im holding him and i decided to let him slip from my grip.

my boyfriend of 9 months told me before that he can't explain his side. that it's hard. now i understand why. but why does something like this have to happen just for me to understand everything and accept things as they are?

why does someone else have to experience the pain i felt before? why him? he doesn't deserve any of it.
i feel bad. so bad that i blame myself for everything...

"don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you"
--but i just did.

... IM SORRY for the nth time!!!! i didn't mean to hurt you.. it never even crossed my mind.