i've always wanted to hear those words from my dad. i've always wanted to make him proud. may it be about school or being a good daughter or through my talents. i always see to it that he would be happy with the things i do.
but i never heard him say that. even if i won in my my high school's beauty pageant or been part of my school's paper or being sent to seminars and workshops or the time i won best speaker sa debate na sinalihan ko nung college ako. or the time where i was able to travel alone. even nung time where i ran for our school's government for press relations officer against one of the top kids in school and won! ... little things like performing in front of a lot of people or when i learned how to play drums.
i always wondered why he never told me that. i thought it doesn't matter to him. all he talks about was how my brother is so good and how proud he is about him and how i should be like my brother. i hate it! one thing i really don't like is when i'm being compared to my siblings or cousins or friends.
anyway, it almost a year when i transfered here in Cebu City. the 4th city tinirhan ko. people around me or yung mga nakakusap ko sa net never fails to ask me kung pano ko nakakayanan lahat ng mga pinagdaraanan ko. usually, they ask me that after they get to know my life's story. kahit ako, nagtataka. pano nga ba?
since 4 years old ako, i saw and heard and been through a lot. they would ask how come i can remember the things that happened when i was 4. i don't know. i just do. and whenever i think about it, sobrang fresh pa ng dating. para bang kahapon lang nangyari. until now, dami pa ring drama ng buhay ko.
difference lang siguro from the other people my age na nakaranas ng niranasan ko e, i never gave up! kahit nung bata pa ako, go lang ako ng go kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ako. yung point na i want to give up na coz im tired and i can't see any reason why i should still fight. at the end of the day, i still tell myself na, "wag lang. one day at a time. kaya ko to!" ..
dala2x ko yun hanggang ngayon.
the other day, i was thinking about it sa jeep. yung ability ko na tawanan lang mga problems, yung go lang ako ng go kahit na parang wala ng pag-asa. yun mga times na the people around me wants to give up na and parang im left alone to do things on my own, ok lang din ako. yes, there were times na ayaw ko na pero sinong talo? ako rin, e..
naisip ko lang din kung bakit ganun ako. long story pero it all boils down to my dad. he's the reason why i fight. the reason why i don't easily give up in life! so, i texted him, said THANK YOU! he asked me why. i told him the story and said i that i owe it to him that's why im saying thank you. for him to know na kahit ganun nangyari sa family namin, kahit daming problems na bumagsak or kahit na gano ko sya ka hate (before) e, i still thank him for everything! if not because of him, i wouldn't be this strong.
and guess what? the words i sooooo wanted to hear for a very long time, i FINALLY heard/read.
but i never heard him say that. even if i won in my my high school's beauty pageant or been part of my school's paper or being sent to seminars and workshops or the time i won best speaker sa debate na sinalihan ko nung college ako. or the time where i was able to travel alone. even nung time where i ran for our school's government for press relations officer against one of the top kids in school and won! ... little things like performing in front of a lot of people or when i learned how to play drums.
i always wondered why he never told me that. i thought it doesn't matter to him. all he talks about was how my brother is so good and how proud he is about him and how i should be like my brother. i hate it! one thing i really don't like is when i'm being compared to my siblings or cousins or friends.
anyway, it almost a year when i transfered here in Cebu City. the 4th city tinirhan ko. people around me or yung mga nakakusap ko sa net never fails to ask me kung pano ko nakakayanan lahat ng mga pinagdaraanan ko. usually, they ask me that after they get to know my life's story. kahit ako, nagtataka. pano nga ba?
since 4 years old ako, i saw and heard and been through a lot. they would ask how come i can remember the things that happened when i was 4. i don't know. i just do. and whenever i think about it, sobrang fresh pa ng dating. para bang kahapon lang nangyari. until now, dami pa ring drama ng buhay ko.
difference lang siguro from the other people my age na nakaranas ng niranasan ko e, i never gave up! kahit nung bata pa ako, go lang ako ng go kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ako. yung point na i want to give up na coz im tired and i can't see any reason why i should still fight. at the end of the day, i still tell myself na, "wag lang. one day at a time. kaya ko to!" ..
dala2x ko yun hanggang ngayon.
the other day, i was thinking about it sa jeep. yung ability ko na tawanan lang mga problems, yung go lang ako ng go kahit na parang wala ng pag-asa. yun mga times na the people around me wants to give up na and parang im left alone to do things on my own, ok lang din ako. yes, there were times na ayaw ko na pero sinong talo? ako rin, e..
naisip ko lang din kung bakit ganun ako. long story pero it all boils down to my dad. he's the reason why i fight. the reason why i don't easily give up in life! so, i texted him, said THANK YOU! he asked me why. i told him the story and said i that i owe it to him that's why im saying thank you. for him to know na kahit ganun nangyari sa family namin, kahit daming problems na bumagsak or kahit na gano ko sya ka hate (before) e, i still thank him for everything! if not because of him, i wouldn't be this strong.
and guess what? the words i sooooo wanted to hear for a very long time, i FINALLY heard/read.
"you made me shed a tear. anyway, I AM PROUD OF YOU! you may not be the daughter i expected you to be but you turned out better that i thought. im happy! i love you, anak!"
those words really strucked me! i was in the jeepney and tears were rolling down my face. i just want to hug my dad right then and there. i want to make him feel that i love him so much too and the hatred i had e, sobrang tagal nang wala.
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