YOU don't matter.

People would say that I’m a total brat. When I was a kid, if I don’t like you, I would really hate you even if you’ve done nothing wrong against me. Some people would say that I’m super friendly and sweet. That’s because of how much I would show my affection to the people I care for and adore. I’m a true blue Gemini. I don’t just have 2 sides. I have 101 of them. That’s what makes me confusing and complicated. And it makes it hard for most people to relate and to get to know me. There are just a few people who know how to handle me. But, I wouldn’t say that they know who I am really. It’s just that they got used to my amazing mood swings and endless list of new “me’s.”

I believe I’m nice. Everyone one of us is. We are just placed with people and put in situations where we can’t help but unleash the devils inside us. We try to be patient and considerate and be graceful about each situation because well, were nice and we know better than step down on their level.

Sometimes, enough is enough though. Like right now, I’m tired of being nice to this person. It’s really sad because this person I consider one of my closest friends. Because I would tell Person X (I don’t want to say he or she or even name the person) almost everything of what’s going on in my life. Person X and I would go out together, eat out and do stuff together. So, what’s wrong? Well, I’ve been trying to be really patient about it but I’ve reached my limit.

You know how sometimes you do everything. EVERYTHING. And then someone gets mad and you’re still the one to blame. And then you turn to this person and pour your heartaches and disappointments of the things around and how you wish things would be different. You tell that person how it hurts you and how it would be nice to sit and talk things out. And then, that person would give you advices and would comfort you and remind you that thing’s will be ok. And you smile because you believe in what that person is saying.

Person X is like that. The problem? The fact that Person X knows what bothers me and how certain things and situations make me sad doesn’t change anything. Because Person X actually does the very thing on why the people around gets mad at me. In short, everything Person X said to me was all a fake. I expect Person X to be more considerate on the things around but no. It’s the complete opposite!

I know I sound confusing but this post is meant to just let my frustration out. I’ll write a clearer scenario about this one next time. All I know, right now, is that I’m not someone’s trash cleaner or dust wiper. I’m going to leave everything as it is and watch it rot. Call me a brat but I don't really care anymore. You're opinions doesn't matter to me now.