some wave

*** made this a couple of days ago. i forgot to post it.

You know how you try to tell everything to someone but ended up not telling a thing? im back to being my complicated self again. and this time, im making that one person I love so much, sad with the way I am. This is me and I hope he won’t get tired of dealing with this version of myself because from what I know, she appears from time to time. She drove away some of the people I cared so much. And this is scary. I just want him to stay but I feel like he’s getting tired. Im trying to be the person he deserves and I know I still have a long way to go. Im still learning and im trying to do it fast.

I’ve been trying to fake it because im too stubborn and weak. Acknowledging the fact that im missing him sooo much makes me crazy! Im tired of crying and everytime I think about him, I ended up crying myself to sleep. Im going to see him soon. Its just that there are times when you just want to curl in bed and get a hug, when you turn around, he’s not there. Times when a lot of people are smiling at you and his smile is all you want to see but is nowhere to be found. Times when you’re scared and you reach out but his hands are not there, you look behind and he’s too far to catch you. Im being stubborn because I don’t want to breakdown. Im avoiding it because I don’t think he’ll even be here the next day and what’s gonna happen of me? Im just trying to save myself.

We’re worried at the same things. its crazy! We’re crazy! This is crazy! I know this is just one of the waves. It’ll calm soon. I can swim it and for sure in time im back in the shore

Tomorrow’s another day.. with him. And im blessed like that.