they say, that, CHANGE is the only thing that is constant. i TOTALLY agree with that.. [if you don't, well, im willing to hear your side]
these past couple of months seemed steady. school-house-friends-bf--family-internet. that's where my life evolved. and im pretty cool about it! i don't go out as much, i just stay here at home and do whatever it is i feel like doing. after all, i've got what i want. or so i thought!
a couple of weeks back i've been really busy and stressed and kinda f*cked up in school. and there's always family issues that won't seem to go away plus my ever-so-loyal haters. i know i started to act weird and cold and i stayed away from some people. i don't mean any of it. it's just that, sometimes i NEED to get away from it so as not to hurt those people around me. see, i get really b*tchy when im stressed.
but i tried. at least to this one person i know i owe a lot! he has been really great! the patience, the love and understanding i received from him is just amazing! i tried.. i thought things will pass after my finals but im still like this right now. and its killing me! im starting to believe that im such a bad person! that i don't deserve someone like him.. that i don't deserve to be loved. i know what i want. yes! i do. but sometimes, pursuing what you want isn't exactly the best for everyone. where does that leaves me now?
i know i have to make a decision so as to stop all the agony. im not the only one hurting here, i know. but tell me, how am i suppose to tell that person that i fell out of love from him? how am i to say that??? there's no easy way but the hard way and that totally sucks!
ive done a lot of thinking, and i asked him to give me some time. he said yes and that he's just gonna wait. i was thinking, that maybe time will ease up everything and i'll find my way back to him. but one of my friends told me that, i already admitted that i fell out of love so what's the use?!? she was damn right! what's the use???
people do change. feelings change no matter how hard you try. no matter how long you try, if you don't feel anything anymore, that's it! you have to say goodbye, right?
BUT WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH????
2 comments:
hi, treza... i've just finished reading your latest post... one thing to say: tell him no matter how it can be hurting, for you or for him... i say it is much more hurting if you don't... for you and for him; since he loves you i suppose he knows oyu, and believe me, there's nothing worse than feeling the gap between words and facts... i mean.. even if you should try and try longer, he just will feel your feelings are different from your will and it all would be too gloomy and ubearable for both, you'd feel dirty anytime you look at him, and maybe his line of sadness in his eye would reach your heart like a thousand knives...
and about him... he, loving you, has chosen to set you free, respect him and respect yourself.
iknow it doesn't ease any pain for both, but time maybe will heal you and him, and no useless pain will be added to all this...
let's say i've been in his situation, let's say i have been lucky, because she found out she loves me and she cam eback, but she felt her love even in the worst moments, even when all the situation pulled out the worst side of me and her... but, i say, you already know, you have no doubts, you just fear hurting him: so, you already know what's to do, wait no longer...
i understand you and him... there are no easy ways, but still there is one single way: follow your feelings
krugio
hi there! as what i've told you i'll always be here for you no matter what. . i know that was a big decision you've made and i'm glad that you've finally set yourself free from the trap! i do feel for you . . it wasn't easy to go through with this heartache . . no worries coz i see you as the same person that i've known since from the start . . you ain't bad remember that . .you just wanna' be real! and i love you for that!
always take care..just reach me when you need me - you know how to..
godspeed treza!
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