first day of him being away

the feeling is so weird. i woke up, checking my phone, looking for his text message. i go to school, thinking he's at the waiting area after my class. i walk to the jeepney stop thinking he's walking beside me. i sit in the jeepney, looking at my hands hoping he's holding it. and it's like that the whole time im walking to the apartment. as i open the gate and the door, i still look back hearing my own voice telling him to close it.

and when im inside, i stopped. where is he? tears fell down and i can't control myself. he usually turns on the fan and get some water and today, it was quiet. no footsteps, no laughs, no squeeks, no one hugging me unexpectedly, no one asking me if i want to take a nap, no one holding my hand, no one trying to feed me, no one stroking my hair, no one showering me kisses on the cheek, no one. i was alone and the feeling totally sucks. i wish he stayed. but i know he can't.

so i went upstairs to change and write some more on "the surfboard" and read a little of Stargirl. i was trying to remember what i used to do before when he's not here. sleep. so i did just that.

im guessing he's in Atlanta now. few more hours and he's back home in Florida. he was just here yesterday. and now, he's a million miles away. i miss him so much! but i can't wait to be ok. -sigh-