i don't really get jealous. people thinks i am. i think people misunderstood that.
I'M SELFISH!
i just realized that tonight. i mean, how hardcore selfish i am.
i've been spending a lot of time with Arthur everyday since January 5. we only missed 1 day since he was in Mactan and i was stuck in the apartment. anyway, we've been so blessed by the amount of time given to us to be together but i still want more. i was too much in love with him that it never occurred to me that im being selfish. he has a lot of relatives here. cousins he could hang out with but after he left my apartment tonight, i realized i've been taking all those times he could've spent with his relatives. the thing is, whenever he's not around, i start to worry too much, it drives me crazy! im scared that if he goes out at night and hang out at bars, something will happen. im scared that some girl will approach him and him being a nice guy can't shoo the stupid girl. im scared that he'll get bored at me and would just prefer hanging out with other people.
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!
i just want to keep him to myself.
i want to tell the whole world how lucky and blessed i am but im also scared that they'll take him away from me.
i love him and i want him to be happy.
i love him but i don't know how to make him feel that.
i love him but im not sure if he really knows it.
he's going back to Florida next month. im running out of time.
i don't know what to do.
i want him to stay but i know he can't.
i don't even know if im making any sense right now.
my mind is soooo cluttered and i know it's affecting us.
Dear God, please give me strength. i love him! please help me make him feel that...
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13
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