not ready

im not ready. i don't think i'll ever be ready. he's leavin in 4 days and im not sure when will i see him again. i started my year with him. everyday of the past 3 months, i was always with him. im so used to waking up knowing i'll see him and im used to seeing him before i go to sleep. we eat together --breakfast, lunch dinner and all those in betweens. scout a new place to eat and just devour their food. go and just do everything together.. no matter how tired i am in school, the thought of seeing him after makes me all ok.

i've been here before and i always commit the same mistake. it is to forget about how i cope up with him being away. as soon as im back in his arms, i just forget about how i missed him so much while he was gone. or how freakin hard it was. now i have to relearn it again. try to remember the things i've been doing and how im doing it. *sigh*

i seriously don't want to go back to chatting with him online, and texting and calls.. i don't want it. i just want to stay beside him. i want to be near him.

i try not to cry whenever he is around. i don't want him to see me sad. because i know it's hard for him, too. i just want him to be happy. and im gonna do that. im gonna make his last 4 days here an amazing one. how? im not quite sure bout that yet.


PS: Squeep, come back as soon as u can, please....