tulong...

Its been a long time since I posted something here. A lot has happened and I wanna share everything. But right now all I know is that I AM IN LOVE. Yea, I’ve mentioned this before in my previous posts but this time, its different. I can totally see myself with him for the rest of my life. I found my soulmate! Im so blessed. Most people take a lifetime to meet theirs. And it took me only 20 years to do that plus 2 years to make him realize that I am the girl he is looking for. Haha!

im not good with words. I show it more through actions. I feel more comfortable with that but the first weeks that he was here we found ourselves constantly fighting. Him misinterpreting the things I do and say and me not really understanding him and being bitchy. Small things get bigger and we end up hurting each other with what we say. I don’t know what im talking about right now. Im just trying to say what I feel and think. 8 more days and he’s leaving for Florida. And I wouldn’t see him for 5 months. That’s the longest so far. and I pray that’ll be the longest ever. I can’t bear being away from him. this long distance relationship is hard but when you love the person, you’ll do whatever it takes.

I know myself though. I may appear strong but deep inside im breaking down. I’ll deny it as hard as I can but when Im alone with no one, anything would just enter my mind and I get really paranoid. That’s what im trying to avoid. He’s everything I want and need. And at this point in my life, I can’t afford to lose him. he saved me. every single day, he’s saving me.

5 months of being away from him. God help me! im far away from my family and closest friends, from the place I grew up. And its hard. But eversince my Mom passed away, he’s the only person I completely trust. I can tell him everything without him judging me. he loves the way I am even if I know it hurts him sometimes. He trusts me.

He’s just in Naga now. 90 min drive away from here, I think. He just left an hour ago but I miss him already. Im not ready for 20. and I don’t know who I can tell about this. I need my mom. I wish I remember what I did before. But all I can remember was how it sucked to go home and see the living room empty and quiet. How it was hard to go to bed without his hugs and kisses. How it was painful to see a couples being so happy. and how I missed the way he would hold my hand and laugh at my stupidity.. I wish I remember how.